Friday, August 31, 2007

A Dream....

I woke up this morning at 6:39AM after having this dream....

In my dream, there was a stork with a baby in a white blanket, flying towards us...as the stork got closer, I knew that it was not a STORK, but an EAGLE carrying our baby...in my dream, I was SOOOO excited and then I woke up...

I have been asking the Lord to let me know through a sign or dream or something when our daughter is born so that I can celebrate in my heart and begin to really "see" her in my heart and pray for her.... I wonder if this was God telling me that she was born? I guess we'll find out....

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I love what God is doing in my heart.

It's so amazing how God has changed my heart about adoption in the past almost 4 years since he layed this on my heart.... I started out wanting to adopt for the obvious reason of wanting a daughter... but it really did start out fairly shallow.... mostly wanting God to meet "my need" for a girl....(I'm not saying that those reasons are not good enough to adopt.... I think any reason is valid to adopt if God calls you to adopt) but as the doors kept closing on adopting... first with Indonesia, then with Cambodia ~ it made me dig deep down and search my heart.... I still DO want a daughter and I believe God will grant those desires because I think He put it there to begin with.... but all the details of what I felt like I wanted are starting to melt away.....when we had that opportunity to adopt Sherlly & Sharonne back in January, I feel like for us, it was a test... God has been beginning to show me little bit more of why we had to go through that.... Aaron & I really didn't want older children... we really wanted a newborn or an infant.... we definitely didn't want 2 toddler girls that were the same age as our Michael, either... not only that, they already had their own names, they spoke another language, they were taken care of by others as babies, and one of them was older than our Michael, which would throw off the birth order (These were all things that were important to me). Anyways, it really threw me off when that opportunity came by and I really had to give it to God....I told him that night... "God, you know what I want... you know that my desire is for a newborn or infant girl and you know that I want to name her... you know that having her as a baby is an important thing in my heart, you know that throwing off the birth order will take some getting used to....but in the end, I want YOUR PLAN... if these 2 girls are part of YOUR PLAN for our life, make it happen and change my heart and let Aaron & I both have PEACE about it and be in agreement..." Those are the words I spoke to Him and then... Amazingly, He changed my heart so dramatically and we said 'yes' to adopting Sherlly and Sharonne... when we did that, I had this CRAZY JOY that came over me... I suddenly felt FREE... I felt like this bondage of having to "have the ideal situation" was lifted from me. It was a tremendous feeling and I began to really, really get excited about the girls. I even felt like I truly wanted toddlers and I would not want a baby anymore....God had certainly transformed me. Anyways, I believe that the situation with the girls was something we had to go through in order for me to grow even more....I used to also think I DEFINITELY will NOT adopt a boy and that I didn't want to adopt any orphans from Africa.... Don't ask me why and please don't judge me.... it was just something I didn't want or I guess God hadn't given me the desire for that.... but now, this day, if there was a chance to adopt from Africa, I'd do it in a heartbeat... If there was a chance to adopt a boy, I think I would do it. My heart toward orphans has changed... I used to only care for the orphan that I would eventually adopt.... now, I truly ache for the orphans out there without parents. I am not sure what the future holds for my family and how many we'll end up adopting, but I believe God has still more changing in me to do...even though the process is painful, the results so far have been more than wonderful. God, I yield to You... make me desire only You and Your plan.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Another trip to Indo and word about FAVOR

Aaron's parents are going out to Indonesia again on Sept 2 for about 5-6 weeks. I have been praying for the past 3 months about what God would want us to believe for when it came to adoption from Indonesia and after giving this over to Him in prayer daily, here are some conclusions:

1) He's given us a desire to adopt from Indonesia
2) He's given us someone that is looking for a newborn baby girl for us
3) He's given us a desire and a BIG dream that ONE day, we'll help coordinate other families to adopt from Indonesia.
4) He's given Aaron's parents the land (in the dumps) to build a women's shelter along with a children's home to one day house many orphans
5) He's given us the name Annie for our daughter from there and the name means "grace" or "FAVOR"....
6) The Willow Tree figurine, if it was given to me at the time of conception, means that our baby girl will be born EARLY Sept.

Now today, I was listening to my ipod on a teaching from one of my favorite pastors about God's FAVOR.... and in his message, He was talking about how when God's favor is ON You to orchestrate His will, He will use ANYONE to accomplish His will and in doing His will, You will have His FAVOR...I know that part of the reason it has been very difficult for me to REALLY have faith for an Indonesian adoption is that it is IMPOSSIBLE humanly to make it happen because of the laws of the country.... but this message by this pastor said, "God's favor goes beyond governments, people groups...in other words, God can accomplish whatever He wants However He wants and if it's His will, there is nothing a country can do to stop it! So, I had this renewed faith tonight to ask for God's FAVOR on us with adoption from Indonesia.... that God will cause the right child to be born at the right time and be placed in the right hands at the right time and that when the time comes for us to go get her in Indonesia, His FAVOR will be so strong on us that the gov't will allow us to bring her and that when this is done, the country will realize that they need to change their laws in order to allow these orphans to come to loving homes!!! THAT is my big dream, but more than it being MY dream, I believe with everything that is in me that this is HIS dream and plan for us... I also happened to come across an article today that Indonesia has the worst child trafikking problem with orphan girls (mainly) being sold into other countries for child slavery and prostitution. Now I KNOW that is NOT God's will for these children and I believe that He has called us to be a VOICE that will cry out for these girls and begin the process of restoring their lives. I have no idea HOW or WHEN He'll do this, but I believe He will accomplish it... My job is to PRAY and STAND IN THE GAP for these children that have NO voice. As I type this, I feel a righteous anger well up in me that will not take NO for an answer! I believe it's a mother's cry and I believe it is the heart of God. Lord, Let it be, according to YOUR plan. If this is You, keep stirring up this hunger inside me and let it spread to others.

BRING Annie to us. Release her to us ~ we ask for Your favor! In Jesus' name! AMEN!!!!!!