Journey to Anna

Wow, has it been 3 weeks?

2008-10-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

I know, I know.... I haven't updated our blog at all and I do have very good reasons.... Anna got her first major cold last week and so part of the reason I haven't updated our blog is because I've been taking care of a little sick girl... she is recovering beautifully though and is almost back to normal (oh, I also got the cold so we were all pretty miserable).

Not sure where to begin....
The past 3 weeks we've been home has been FULL... the first week and a half, we had a painter in our house while we were adjusting (not the best timing for this, but the painter was behind a week or so and couldn't get it all done while we were gone..., Anna (Aaron's sister) and David (Anna's husband), and boys Benjamin and Caleb came over one the 2nd weekend we were home. It was a short visit but so great to have someone in the family get to see Anna. Since we live 3 hours away from Portland, we haven't had any visitors ... so far, only Anna & David & boys have met our little Anna. We haven't had any energy to make a weekend trip there, so we may have to wait to introduce Anna until Thanksgiving. Aaron has been back to work and very busy since we got home, and as I posted above, 4 out of 6 of us came down with a cold... Oh, and we've had to get over jet lag, do 2 weeks worth of "catch up" homework for 3 kids, with a painter in the house, all the while, adjusting to a new little sweet pea in the house and Aaron not coming home until 8pm or later most nights. BUT, Anna has been the BEST with all of this adjustment... as busy as things have been, I haven't felt too stressed and thankfully, she is a good sleeper, so atleast I am not sleep-deprived.

Anna had her first appt last week with the Dr. and all went well... she is going to get her blood drawn tomorrow to double-check on the Hep B status. The doctor was very positive about her growth and how healthy she looks. She didn't have to get any immunizations either, which was WONDERFUL.

She is already doing so much now.... she's pulled herself up to standing and is doing alot of pre-walking stuff like standing up for a few seconds on her own, pulling up on a box and pushing it as she walks, etc.... it is amazing to watch her do these things at such a young age since my boys didn't do alot of these things until they were a few months older......She is such a go-getter and not mellow like 2 of my 3 boys were. She is such a bundle of joy and energy, I can hardly believe we spent all this time without her. She fits in so perfectly and I couldn't have asked for a better transition. She had a tough 4-5 days adjusting to jet lag and our new home and her room, but she has quickly settled into a routine now and sleeps 9-10 hours straight everynight!!! I was prepared to wake up several times if I had to, but so far, she is letting us sleep. Her nap schedule is not very consistent yet, but I am just letting that one go for now.

She loves her brothers and gets so happy when they come home from school. They love her equally and have been so helpful with everything, including "trying" to change her diaper. She is a little squirmer and does not lay still for diaper changes, so I am working on that one. Our boys were always so compliant with diaper changes, that it has been a challenge for me to try to get her to be still.

I am still just in awe of God's blessing to us.... when I have a moment of quiet, I find myself thanking God over and over for bringing her into our family. Life is definitely FULL right now, but I am not sure I'd want it any other way....

Enjoy the pictures!

First days back home!

2008-09-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

We returned home late friday night... saturday morning.... we had hired a friend to paint our house while we were gone so we came home to nicely painted walls! It was so good to be home and Anna seem to really fit in well here and was extremely happy to be around our house. She looked even cuter here, for some reason :)

The first day (saturday) we had the painter at our house so we invited a few friends to just stop by and see Anna. Darci & Chris came by first... and then Shannon, Derek and boys came over later. It was fun to show off Anna. She is such a cutie pie and is actually showing signs of being attached to me! She really has been pretty happy with either Aaron or I but seems to prefer me just a teeny bit more... especially when she's feeling needy.

Enjoy the slide show!

Pictures from Last days in Taipei, plus airport

2008-09-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of the last day in Taipei, as well as some travel photos..... The Taipei airport had a wonderful nursery area called "hello kitty nursery" where they had diapers, hot water, crib, changing area, nursing area, an extra couch, etc. We spent our time waiting there rather than in the waiting area to board our plane.

The last day, Anna cried alot because of teething issues and we were so nervous that she would cry on the plane, but she did great! Calvin also had some tummy issues off and on, but ended up being OK on the plane! We are so grateful for all the prayers and for God's grace on this journey. He's blessed us so abundantly in ways we can't even count.

Enjoy the pictures!

We are back

2008-09-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

We've been back for a few days now.... the flights went great... no crying spells and she slept about 6+ hours straight, although we didn't get seats together :( it turned out OK though. She had a bassinett, which really helped with the sleeping. I didn't get any sleep, however, because I was worried she would wake up :) There was another family on the flight that had just adopted a 9 month old girl from Vietnam and their daughter was crying SO much... almost non-stop and I felt so helpless for them. We are all adjusting, although the jet lag is really getting to all of us, even little Anna. She is no longer sleeping a good chunk of the night like she was, so it's been a little harder. She is still very easy-going. we haven't had the heart to let her cry it out because I really want her to know she can trust us and know that we'll take care of her. I do hope I am not ruining the great job the nannies did for her in teaching her how to self-soothe at night. My #1 goal right now is attachment and bonding though, so if that means she gets spoiled and forgets how to sleep on her own, I think in the end, it'll be ok...

well, off to get some sleep... will try to post pictures tomorrow!

Last Day ~ Final post from Taipei

2008-09-26T01:58:00.001-07:00

I am closing down the computer... We are going to be picked up in about 3 hours at our hotel to head to the airport. Our flight arrives back home on friday night, 11:59pm in Redmond. I am sooooo looking forward to being home in the states.

Oh, we went to lunch at a Chinese restaurant today and we were treated like celebrities... but not in a good way.... well, maybe they weren't meaning to be rude, but seriously, all the waiters and waitresses(about 5-6 of them) stood by us, speaking chinese WHILE we ate...I think they were trying to be helpful... but to me, it was irritating to say the least, since I really don't like being stared at while I'm eating. I think that's when I realized I think I am DONE being here. I am thankful for this place and will treasure Taiwan because it is my daughter's birthplace, but being away from the US for 2 weeks made me realize how much I love the USA. I hope I didn't sounds too negative.... most of the people here have been GREAT.

Please pray for safe travels!

Day 4, FREE day

2008-09-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

Before I begin this post, I just want you all to know that you HAVE to read my sweetie's post below....It brought tears to my eyes ~ I was about to make this post and he said he would like to blog about his thoughts.... anyways, it is WAY better than anything I've ever posted. Anna is a blessed little girl to finally have a daddy and I can't think of a more perfect and loving one than Aaron.

Anyways, on to our day.... we spent some time again at the Children's Recreation Center and visited the science exhibition and some of the rides. The boys really enjoyed the science exhibition and got to ride on a flight simulator. It was the only place nearby that was air-conditioned so it was a nice break. Today was an extremely hot and humid day so we withered outside in the heat. I can't even imagine coming here when it's actually summer. We met Malin, Kristian, Moa and their new son, Max, who was also adopted from Chung Yi. We both had the same Forever Family Day. They came to our hotel to bring us a gift from Sweden and walked with us to Starbucks for a snack and coffee. I took some pictures of our little Anna and Max playing on the floor under our table, but didn't ask permission to post his picture, so I will not post it here... he is a CUTIE though!!

This may be our last post from Taipei... we leave tomorrow at 11pm. I might post one more time if we have time...

On to the pictures from today!

A post from Aaron ~ Dad's perspective

2008-09-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

I usually don't do the blog but I want to say that our new little Anna Li-grace (aka "chen-chen") is so precious in more ways than writing will allow. When I look at her,she is perfect, how can she be so at peace, we are just beginning to know each other. When she laughs and smiles, it does something to me and when she sleeps, her silent trust is such a gift. This is Gods WAY 'beauty from ashes'. I can see she has learned an independent way about her~ preferring at times, the hard floor to being held ~even so she looks long at Pam and I as if to ask are they the ones? The answer is Yes!!!!! we are.

Day 3 ~ VISA, Taipei 101, Children's Recreation Center

2008-09-24T04:37:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty busy day.... we woke up leisurely, ate breakfast and decided to head out to the Children's Recreation Center that is about 10 min walk from our hotel. We didn't head out early enough though, because by the time we got there, it was pretty hot. We had to go back to AIT at 11:30AM to pick up the visa so we quickly went through the recreation center, did a couple of rides and took a cab to AIT. The visa was waiting for us so now we are free to take Anna out of the country! After the AIT visit, we took a cab to Taipei 101 (the tallest building in the world) and took the elevator ride up to the observation deck. The boys really wanted to do this and we figured it would be a long time before we come back and by then, it may not be the tallest building in the world :) The elevator ride was QUICK! It takes you from 5th floor to 89 in 35 seconds! The view from the top was amazing. It was a very clear day so we were able to see quite a bit. We came back to the hotel, exhausted at 5pm and decided to stay in for dinner. Some things about Anna.... We have found out that she does NOT like diaper changes... everytime I lay her flat to do a diaper change, she cries the most pitiful cry. Tonight, she wailed for the first time and that was during a diaper change. She is a great eater! She eats Gerber veggie baby food... I remember our boys were never that great with vegetables even though I still made them eat it...she just eats it up... She is such an easy baby as long as you're not changing her diaper. She goes to bed easily and wakes up pretty happy. Tonight, she was a little bit too exhausted at bedtime so she cried for about 1 minute ... seriously, that is about the worst so far and it is not bad at all. We feel very spoiled and wonder if we'll end up spoiling her so much that she ends up sleeping in our bed :) She did wake up at 2AM, kinda awake this morning... we felt bad for her just playing in her crib, so Aaron suggested we let her sleep with us.... she then went to sleep quickly and woke up at 6:30AM. Another thing that is amazing about her is her HAIR! It's getting long, but it sticks STRAIGHT up in the air... there's nothing I can do to it to tame it :) I was asked by the hotel staff the other day if she was a boy or girl... what's funny is she was wearing a PINK dress and had a bow on her head... We were also asked by one of the hotel staff how much we paid for her.... I really didn't think I would ever get this question, but they actually asked. I do think that in Taiwan, they really aren't trying to be rude... they are seriously wondering how much it costs to adopt. I am off to bed... enjoy the pictures!

By the way, those that have commented about her cheeks... they really are VERY kissable and I can't count the number of times we've kissed her already... she tolerates her crazy parents!

Day 2, AIT appt

2008-09-23T05:22:00.001-07:00

This morning, we woke up pretty early.... got to AIT at 8AM sharp and was escorted in after showing our US passport. We then headed to the 3rd floor, where a man asked for some documents and then we were sent to 2nd floor to pay for the visa and waited about 1-1/2 hours total. We were first told by the first gentleman that we would get an IR-4 visa for her because we didn't see her prior to the adoption being final... this generally just means we have to re-adopt her in the states, but we really wanted her to have an IR-3, which makes her a US citizen the moment she lands foot on American soil :) We had been praying that God would just helps us get it, but were OK either way.... The interviewer was a really nice gentleman and he told us that we were going to get an IR-3! He was telling us this because he said he doesn't want us to abandon her because that would be abandoning a US citizen...:) Another one of God's graciousness to us. Tomorrow we get to pick up her visa.

Let me back up a little to lastnight... Anna (whom we call Syuan-Syuan for now (pronounced shen-shen)), went to bed around 8pm lastnight and didn't wake up till almost 5AM.. even at that, she was just playing in her crib quietly and maybe would have kept that up for who knows how long if Aaron didn't get her. She is so far such an easy baby... when she's tired, she rubs her eyes and whines a little and when we put her down awake, she goes to bed! No fussing. She is truly amazing and I think we might end up ruining the great work the caretakers did in teaching her to fall asleep on her own. Lastnight she didn't eat much so I was worried for her, but today, she ate GREAT. She is taking formula along with some baby food (rice porridge and veggies and fruit) She smiled and laughed alot more today. She took a big ole nap and off and on slept as we walked around Taipei. We took the MRT, which is a train, and had dinner tonight at Mos Burger. She is doing great in the ergo carrier and is just as easy-going baby. She is VERY active though and would prefer to be on the floor exploring. The boys totally adore her.

Here are some pictures from today....

A day of miracles..

2008-09-22T02:33:00.000-07:00

WE HAVE HER!! WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!!! SHE IS SOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS!!!!!

I think my words would not do justice how great today has been....

We went to the orphanage at 2pm (prior to this we had a little problem with the housecleaning being in our room when we had to shower and I was really TENSE because we were running out of time to get ready)....we took the taxi and got to the orphanage right on time. We were quickly escorted by the social worker to the room where they had all the paperwork ready to go and the boys were offered cookies and drinks while we went over some of the paperwork for the visa appt tomorrow. Some of Anna's caretakers came in for questions and then suddenly, another caretaker came into the room with Anna in her arms!!! She is SOOOOO precious and she was wearing one of the outfits we sent her. One of the greatest miracles is that when the social worker was going over the medical reports and vaccination records, she said "We had Li-Syuan's blood tested again to check her Hep B status, and they found that she does NOT have Hepatitis B anymore and we are not really sure how this happened!!"... Ofcourse I knew how!!! It was no doubt God... we've been praying that God would heal her and He did! When she said that, I BURST into tears... even though I knew God could heal her, I really was so surprised to hear that it was actually true. Why do I ever doubt? I am still in AWE of this news... I just am in awe... speechless.

Anyways, back to the rest of the time at the orphanage.... She came to us pretty easily... didn't cry... and she was just taking it all in. The caretakers there REALLY love her and they were all soooo excited to see her with us. I could tell they really love their children. They gave us a quick tour of the place, we watched a DVD movie they made of Li-Syuan and her 7 months of life there.

The one sad thing is that we were not able to meet the birthmom. She couldn't make it to the orphanage and she requested that they take pictures and send to her. We were ready to meet her and ask her so many questions, but hopefully, we'll get to ask her by email through our agency.

We took the cab home and she was so precious!!! She fell asleep in my arms and when we got to our room, she woke up and started playing with the boys and with some toys. She really hasn't cried a lot yet and seems to just sort of go with the flow. She started to fuss a little bit and didn't want food, so I put her down in her crib and she fell asleep right away. So far, she seems like a tough little girl that really loves to explore... she has 2 bottom teeth and she is crawling... even though it's not super fast yet. She really likes the boys and they had her laughing and smiling.

Tomorrow, we have our AIT appt at 8AM... Aaron & the boys are out and about getting food and drinks!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS AND COMMENTS!! TODAY COULDN'T HAVE GONE ANY BETTER. WE KNOW IT IS BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MANY PRAYING FOR US!

More later!

2-1/2 hours away!!!

2008-09-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

What do you do the morning of the day you get your daughter you've been waiting for for the past FOREVER?? You go to McDonald's and Starbucks, ofcourse :) We spent the morning going to those places and found a nearby park for the kids to play at.

As I type this, I am starting to feel a little queasy in my tummy :) I am BEYOND excited, but at the same time, realizing that Anna will be in our arms in less than 2 1/2 hours!!! The boys are at the fitness center and I am ready to go there too, but working out is the last thing I want to be doing right now. Anyways, please pray for us! The taxi ride is a bit scary here with how fast they drive.... Thank you to all who have commented! I love reading the comments and I love knowing that we are being prayed for. Please pray for continued health and a great adjustment between Anna & all of us and that the time with the birthmother goes well!!! Next post will be with ANNA :)

First Day in Taipei

2008-09-21T01:46:00.000-07:00

We woke up fairly early this morning and leisurely got ready to take a walk and see what there is around Taipei. Our hotel is not in the downtown area, so there are alot more local shops around. Thankfully, we found a McDonald's and Starbucks within walking distance. Since I've been eating ALOT of Japanese food, I am actually getting tired of Asian food. I never thought I would be excited about McDonald's but an egg mcmuffin was a welcome breakfast for me. I guess I am more American than I thought. I never thought I would say I am tired of rice, but at this point, pizza is sounding really good :) The hotel has a great rooftop area where you can see a nice view of the city and also and fitness center with weight equipment, treadmills and a mini-jogging track. We had to run outside while we were in Okinawa for exercise, so having a fitness center is such a bonus. The hotel room is so nice with a living area, 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. We have plenty of room for all of us.

Tonight, we get to meet a family that is also adopting from the same orphanage and they get to pick up their son tomorrow morning. They are a swedish family and we are so excited to meet someone else on this same journey.

I will post more later.....

Last day in Okinawa

2008-09-21T01:32:00.001-07:00

On Saturday, my sister Deborah, her son Shingo and his wife Chika came to pick us up at the hotel to take us to various places in Naha. We went to a Chinese Garden, given to Okinawa by the Chinese. We fed some koi fish and turtles and walked around. It is located right next to where my sister used to live so I was able to see her old apartment, where I spent 2 months one summer before I graduated from highschool. She then took us for lunch, to a donut shop and then to see Michael(my brother) at his shop. My brother builds motorcyles and does alot of welding and building. He took our boys individually on a ride (which, I was really nervous about at first, but just prayed God would protect them). They had a blast (what boy wouldn't?). We then met my oldest sister Marie and headed to the airport. It was so fun to hang out with my sister Deborah. We both have always got along and she has a crazy sense of humor like me so we were having such a great time together. When it was time to leave, I was so sad... my life in the states is so good and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but spending time with my sisters made me realize how much I have been missing. It was like a piece of me was being torn apart again. Goodbyes are so hard... I know I lived 20 years without them, but somehow when I spent time with them, it was like time never passed. Calvin is such a tender-hearted boy and when I started crying, he started crying and he surpassed my tears and kept crying almost all the way to Taipei! (1-1/2 hr flight!) He kept saying how much he is going to miss my sisters and his cousins.
I do hope to see them again much sooner than 20+ years from now.

We're in Taipei!!

2008-09-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

We are here in Taipei... I'll post pictures of our last day in Okinawa later, but wanted to let you know that we arrived safely. We are staying at the Riviera Hotel and it is SOOOOO spacious! The hotel in Okinawa was REALLY tiny... we could barely get all our suicases in the room... but this hotel has 2 bedrooms, a living area with a desk, refrigerator, microwave and 2 bathrooms! Tomorrow we get a crib! The lady at the front desk asked us why we needed a crib after seeing our boys :)

We haven't explored Taipei yet since we came in late lastnight, but we are going to head out soon to find some coffee and maybe some breakfast.

More later with pictures :) Tomorrow is ANNA day!!!! I can hardly believe it!!

Expo Park/Acquarium

2008-09-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we went to the Expo Park way up north of the island... Sheri picked us up at 9AM and we didn't get back to the hotel until after 9pm. We had to take 2 vehicles because Sheri has 4 children and a fiance'. It was so fun to drive by my old church, the old school we used to go to and see how different things look from what I remember. The acquarium was great... it was one of the hotter days we've had here with really high humidity and in the 90s. We were exhausted by the time we were done walking around. The kids wanted to dip in the ocean so we did that for a while and headed to dinner at Macaroni grill on base. (Sheri works at the base).

It was sad to say goodbye to my sister Sheri and her kids... The kids got along so well and just loved hanging out with them. we will hopefully see them in Hawaii sometime soon, where they plan to get married.

Today, we are going to spend some time with my sister Deborah and my nephew Shingo and his wife. We head to the airport at 6pm and go to Taiwan! I can't believe that in just 2 days we'll be seeing ANNA and keeping her!!!!

Enjoy the picutres

The past 2-3 days...

2008-09-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

We've been pretty busy the past couple of days and I haven't had alot of time to blog. We spent the 2 days after the reunion just hanging out around town with just the 5 of us...I am getting plenty of opportunities to brush up on my Japanese and am starting to get the hang of it... One of the days we were by ourselves, we took the monorail to the airport because Michael had forgotten his backpack at customs while we were collecting our luggage. We prayed God would help us find it since it contained his homework and his Nintendo DS :) The monorail was fun once we figured out how to buy tickets and were on our way....We arrived at the airport and I asked various airport personnel how to find the lost and found and eventually, we found the place where his backpack was stored! We were so grateful. The one thing I LOVE about the Japanese people is that they are so VERY helpful and go out of the way to help. That's not always the case in the U.S. (although, my appreciation for our country has grown since I've been here) We also took a trip to the Shurijo Castle, which is an old Okinawan Castle pretty close to where we are staying.

Yesterday, Typhoon Sinlaku made its way back toward Okinawa and we had lots and lots of heavy rain. We didn't want to be stuck in the hotel, so we took our umbrellas and walked around in the rain anyway ~ We visited a street nearby called "Heiwa Dori" (Peace Street) where there are various local vendors selling souvenirs, fruite, seafood, etc. Our boys have been having so much fun exploring with us.... they are truly the best travelers around and have truly embraced the culture... even eating some of the local favorites like Okinawa Soba, Goya Chips, and Taco Rice.

Today, we visited the Okinawa Peace Memorial Park & Himeyuri Park.... it was very educational, although, somewhat depressing as we saw the reality of what war was like in the 1940s during WWII. Most people probably don't know that the island of Okinawa and its civilians suffered great loss during the invasion of the US troops here in 1945. My mom was only 19-20 years old at the time. Seeing the many faces of lost lives(mainly Okinawa civilians)made me think about how each of them had dreams, hopes, families... It is truly a sad, sad story. The battle of Okinawa lasted 90 days and most of the southern part of the island was completely destroyed and sadly the lives lost were mainly civilians (200,000). There were also US soldiers that lost their lives as well as Japanese military men. Sadly, many of the lost lives were civilians committing suicide before being captured due to the Japanese governement brainwashing them into thinking that if they were captured by the US soldiers, they would be treated terribly and also they were told that they need to never surrender and die for their country. Some of the pictures we saw and stories we read were so graphic and so sad that I wondered how our boys were doing with it. Noah was especially interested in reading some of the testimonies from the survivors. We had a chance to talk about it a little and they all expressed how scary life must have been during those times. I think it was important for us to see.

After this visit, we went to the southern end of the island and took some great pictures! The battery in my camera hadn't been charged since we left, so I couldn't take very many pictures but my sister promised me some of her copies.

Tomorrow we go to the beach! I'll post more pictures then!

9-15-08 Family Reunion

2008-09-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

What a day we had.... First of all, Aaron, the boys and I had fun exploring the area... My Japanese is coming back to me even though it was hard to get adjusted to begin with. We started the day finding breakfast on the street, the boys were quickly drawn to McDonald's while Aaron & I wanted Starbucks. We got both and afer breakfast, went to the local market street nearby where English is not really spoken. I found so many great local food that I used to eat as a child and it brought back so many memories. It is so great to share this experience with Aaron & my boys. They are having so much fun learning a few phrases and have been very excited to see all the neat things and asking me a million questions. Aaron has always been great with trying variety of food, so for lunch we had Okinawa Soba, which is made with soba noodles, pork flavored broth and a fairly fatty piece of pork meat. The boys had TACO RICE, which is a Japanese style taco... it's basically tacos over rice (instead of taco shells or tortillas). I had a tofu stirfry :)

After lunch, we took a much needed nap and waited for the reunion to begin. Sheri, (my sister that is one year older than me)& Howie, her fiance' picked us up. Since we were a little early, we drove by where I used to live.... It was so strange to be in the place that I grew up playing... it's funn how everything seems so big when you're a child. Many people are fortunate to have grown up in the same city or state where they spent their childhood and returning is not that big of a deal, but for me, this was the first time I had been back there since I moved out of that area when I was 10 years old. It felt like I had never left, yet those days seemed so long ago like it was part of another person's life. It's a strange feeling.

We got lost trying to find our brother Michael's place, so we waited for my 2nd oldest sister, Deborah to drive up with her son and my mom. As I walked over to my mom to say hello, she looked at Deborah and asked who I was... (since her stroke 2 years ago, she hasn't been quite the same mentally). When Deborah said it was Pamela, she started crying and held my hand really tight. Ofcourse, I started to cry and it made Deborah cry. The evening went on with so many reunions... Marie, my oldest sister showed up with her husband and her son that I had never met, along with her daughter, her husband and 2 children. My brother Michael introduced me to his girlfriend, who was busy hosting the big party. Communication was harder at times with the English/Non Japanese speaking folks, along with the ones that speak both and those that only spoke Japanese. Aaron and the boys did great with meeting everyone.

It was fun to catch up with everyone. Towards the end of the evening, I asked my sister to ask my mom if I could pray for her. She said yes and I prayed with her. As I prayed, tears began to flow and we both cried. I could tell my sisters and brother didn't really know what to do with the crying and the praying that was going on, but in the end, I really just wanted to bless my mom somehow. I didn't want to leave her knowing that perhaps this could be the last time I will see her. Only God knows what was happening in her heart.

It was such an emotional evening. I will see my sisters again before we leave and hopefully my brother too... but I probably won't see my mom again. Typing those words brings tears to my eyes. Only God can do a miracle and that is what I prayed for her lastnight.

I am not sure how much healing is happening with the relationship between my sister and my brother, but I believe it was the beginning. This step was huge and I am so glad that God gave us this opportunity to bring us all back together again.

We are in Okinawa!

2008-09-14T19:09:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures from our trip thus far.... We made it to Okinawa lastnight, was picked up at the airport by my sister, one of her sons and her fiance' Howie. They were so sweet and bought us a bunch of goodies for the hotel... It is so good to be here... things have changed, yet I still feel like I've never left it... it's a strange feeling.... We are staying at a hotel on a very busy shopping district with lots to see and do around. Since we were not going to rent a car, this was the best option for us and I am glad we did. The rooms are so small :) But, it is cozy. Tonight, we have our family reunion at my brother's house!

We're in Seattle ~ Flight Delay....

2008-09-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

Bad news is, our flight to Taipei has been delayed until tomorrow morning out of Seattle... which means we also miss our connecting flight to Okinawa.... Good news is , EVA air paid for us to stay at Comfort Suites, so we'll get a good night of rest! So, off to sleep I go... pray that we get flights out of Taipei to Okinawa quickly.

Good night!

And we're off :)

2008-09-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of our luggage :) It looks like alot, but it's not too bad... one suitcase is dedicated to orphanage gifts, gifts for caretakers, birthmom and gifts for my family...
We are leaving today from Redmond at 7:55pm... Bags are packed(as you can see), Doors are locked and my mind is racing ~ thinking about what I could have forgotten. The most important documents are in hand so I think we are ready....

As I type this, I hear that Typhoon Sinlaku is making its way to Taiwan AND Okinawa :) (Isn't that interesting?). Please pray that God will blow that typhoon out of the way and we can land safely in Taipei and onto Okinawa. It is suposedly coming in just as we are. We are prepared if we have to stay overnight in Seattle, but I would love to be on our way.

Next post will hopefully be from either Taipei when we land or Okinawa! Please pray for safe and uneventful flight!

3 days to go!!

2008-09-09T11:50:00.001-07:00

We leave the USA in 3 days.... I am beyond excited... Here's our itinerary.

Leave Redmond, OR Friday, Sept 12 at 750pm, Arrive Seattle, WA 855pm
LAYOVER FOR 5 HOURS in Seattle
Leave Seattle Saturday, Sept 13 2AM EVA air, arrive Taipei 9/14, 545AM
LAYOVER FOR 3 HOURS in Taipei
Leave Taipei CHINA AIR for Okinawa 815AM, arrive Okinawa 10:45AM

My sister will pick us up at the airport and we spend 6 days touring my homeland and seeing my family!

We leave Okinawa on saturday, Sept 20 at 730pm, arrive Taipei 855pm ~ Hired driver to take us to Hotel (45 minutes away)

Sept 21st ~ FREE DAY to explore Taipei

Sept 22nd ~ FOREVER FAMILY DAY ~ Find our way to the orphanage via cab or train and meet Anna at 2pm!!!! Also, will meet birthmom at this meeting.

Sept 23rd ~ AIT (American Institue in Taiwan) appt ~ not sure what time yet... do paperwork for visa

Sept 24th ~ Receive visa maybe??

Sept 25th ~ FREE DAY

Sept 26th ~ Leave Taipei 11pm, EVA air to Seattle... arrive Seattle 640pm Sept 26th
leave Seattle 10:55pm, arrive Redmond 11:59pm

So, that's our schedule... Please pray for us.

Happy 7 months!

2008-08-31T21:48:00.000-07:00

Anna is 7 months old today.... When she turns 8 months old, she'll be here, in this house, WITH us! I still can't believe that she is going to be HERE.... very soon. In my head and heart, I know that she's ours and it is just matter of time until we get her.... her room is done, we have clothes hanging in her closet, diapers ready to go, baby bottles, crib, co-sleeper, stroller, hair bows, car seat, I've even made her first doctor's appt, filled out the form and payment for re-adoption, signed up for Kindermusik together (starting the monday after we return!)... yet, even after all the "plans", it's still so hard for me to comprehend that I will get to hold her.... I'll get to hear what she sounds like, I'll get to know what her likes and dislikes are... she'll get to know ME. It is all too good to comprehend fully. I can't thank God enough for such a wonderful miracle. We are so grateful. We'll be there very soon, Anna Li Grace!!

We have UPDATES!!!

2008-08-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Our last update before we go and get our sweet, sweet Miss Anna :)

Look at her little face... she looks like she's struggling... the mean nannies put her on her belly and she can't get up :)

Ok, this is better...Looks like she's checking something out... waaaay over there

Don't you just love her little fuzzy, fuzzy hair? The shirt she's wearing is another one we've sent her :) She's too cute... I want to squeeze her little cheeks!

She is now 15lbs, 24.6" tall, and head circumference is 41.6cm

We have a date!!!

2008-08-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

We received a call today from our agency that we have an appt to meet Anna on 9/22!!!
That was a little later than I had initially hoped, but I really do think it would end up being perfect! This way, our boys will get into the "groove" of school, the weather will be so much more bearable in both Okinawa and Taiwan. Also, the hotel rates go WAY down in Okinawa in Sept. All in all, I am so excited to be traveling in the early fall. I still can't believe that in a little over a month, we'll have Anna in our arms! I can't wait!!! Now, I frantically search hotel rates, airfares, etc.. Oh... we also will not have a guide of any sort...although, we CAN pay something like $150 a day for a guide that our agency is in contact with there. Thankfully, my classmate from Okinawa now lives in Taiwan and she might be able to come visit us and maybe help us navigate the city if we need help.

SHE IS OURS!!!!

2008-08-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was packing for our trip today to the coast, when I randomly decided to check email.... it was noon, I had LONG given up on the idea that I would find out anything today... then among some junk email was an email from our agency with the subject line.... "COURT PROCEDURE IS FINISHED".... I found this email on my phone, and sometimes it takes a while for my phone to actually download the message, so I quickly ran to our computer all the while jumping, and signed on our email and the lady from our agency wrote that the orphanage received the final piece of paper, which, I believe is the final decree, and that they are trying to figure out travel date for us. They are now working on getting Anna's medical record and passport to AIT (American Institute in Taiwan... basically, the consulate). I wrote right away to ask when they thought we would know more details of travel date and she wrote back to tell me that maybe sometimes next week!!

So, we could be traveling to Taiwan very soon!!! We are now at the beach in Netarts, Oregon... I wanted so badly just to stay home and work on "stuff" around the house to get ready for Anna!! She is going to be ours very soon!!!

Update

2008-08-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Usually at the end of the month, our agency sends us an updated photo and some information about Anna, but July 30th and 31st came and went without any updates... finally I emailed our agency yesterday and they said that the orphanage is short on staff and they will not be sending updates. They did reassure us that they think our court passed and that it is a matter of time until we hear something. They think we'll hear something the month of August.

So, again, not the most exciting update, but it's an update, non-the-less. I am sad to not see any updated photos.. it was the only thing that helped ease the pain of this wait.... but, just yesterday, as i was reading my bible in the morning, these scriptures stuck out ..

"Though the sheep pens are sheepless,(though our house is girl-less) and the cattle barns are empty,(and the nursery is empty)I'm singing a joyful praise to God. I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Saviour God. Counting on God's RULE to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. I run like a deer. I feel like I'm King of the mountain. Habakkuk 3:17-19 (MSG)
(My words in the parentheses)

Here's another one...

Jesus said, "You're tied down to the mundane; I'm in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I'm living on other terms.
John 8:23-24

I have become pre-occupied with the "mundane".... God sees what is WAY beyond. As important as bringing Anna home is, it is not the ONLY thing God is doing and I want to see BEYOND what I see right now in front of me so that I can move forward with confidence that God, who orchestrates everything, has this all planned out.

THANK YOU, Kelly B!

2008-08-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

Last week, I received this BEAUTIFUL bib from Kelly B. from our China adoption (ladybug) online group!

It was a big surprise and I absolutely love the bib!

Thank you, Kelly B! You are so thoughtful!

Anna is 6 months old today

2008-07-31T16:51:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to receive some updates today since every month around this time, we have received updated photos and some information about her.... but, nothing yet and it is already almost 5pm. I had heard from another adoptive mom that it's possible we will not receive updates this month because many of the social workers from Chung Yi are in the U.S. with the older children from the orphanage... some type of summer camp thing they do every year.

We still have not heard from our agency about when we'll get our ruling. I received a call from our agency director 2-3 days ago just wanting to chat about travel in Taipei ~ hotels, airlines, restaurants, etc.. and what to expect when we go there.... It sounds like we will not have a guide while we're in Taipei, but everything is fairly close to the downtown area.... when I talked to her on the phone, she thought that we might hear something the first part of August. She thought we would travel in October (better than December, but still... sorta depressing since I was REALLY hoping things would move along for us). I am feeling better about it today though and realize, it'll probably be much cooler in Sept/Oct and even though the kids will have to miss school, hopefully, they'll catch up quickly without alot of pain.

This waiting is so hard ~ I wish I didn't have to feel this way, but I do and as hard as I try to give this up to God daily, it isn't easy... I almost have to make a choice to give it up every hour.

I am hoping again that tomorrow is the day we'll find out, but I am not wanting to get my hopes up because I don't want the disappointment to come when another week goes by and the weekend comes with no news to get me through.... wow, I sound completely depressed... I really am OK... just having a low moment.

God is good and His timing is perfect... I have to keep telling myself that...

Happy 6 months, little Anna... we wish we could celebrate with you! :(

A better update...

2008-07-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

I received this email from my agency today right after the email from the director.... it really made my day and although the final decree has not yet been issued, it makes me feel better that atleast someone is working on it and that the hearing probably went well ~ Here's the email I received...

Hi Pam,
We’ve received an email from the social worker in Chungyi. They express their appreciation to you regarding the gift you sent to Li-Syuan. They can feel that you are very caring to Li-Syuan. They transferred the clothes, toys, and the photo album to Li-Syuan, and will also help her to recognize her adoptive parents and brother using the album.

In addition, they are still waiting for the legal court approval for Li-Syuan. Once they receive it, they will notify us immediately.

They are so looking forward to meeting you.

It made me me happy to think they actually like us :) and that they are going to make an effort to make sure Anna knows we are her parents! Thank you, God!

A "non-update" update

2008-07-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

I wrote the director of our agency an email last week while she was in Taipei AT the orphanage with the first family who was picking up their daughter... I figured she was working and would probably check her email and who better to ask than someone that is RIGHT there at the orphanage, right? Well, I never got an answer and she returned back to the US over the weekend... I was really disappointed in our agency at this point because I felt like they aren't very good about updating their families with information... it's almost like we have to DRAG the information out of them. Anyways, A few minutes ago, I received an email from her saying she didn't get my email until TODAY.... and she apologized. Good thing is, she said she would check on it today and see if they will tell her anything... so, even though I had hoped for a better update, atleast I know someone is checking on it. Maybe tomorrow we'll get a better update.

A call from our agency....

2008-07-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been hoping and hoping to hear something about the result of our court date and this morning, as I went out the door to take the boys to swimming, I wondered if TODAY was going to be the day I hear something..... So, the morning went by without an email or call and I had settled in my heart today was NOT the day we'll hear anything. I even felt peace from God that I can move on in my day and that He'll give me the grace to just enjoy today.... So, we got home from swimming and I checked our caller id and saw that I had missed a call from our agency!!! As my heart began to race, I dialed the voicemail and anxiously waited to hear the message, but.... to my HUGE disappointment... it was just a voicemail from one of the ladies at the agency hoping to sell us some raffle tickets for a trip for two to Beijing... what a HUGE let down... I wonder if they had any idea how cruel this seemed to me?? I wanted to call them and tell them how frustrated I am with them, but quickly realized that they probably had no idea. I think it's just another lesson for me in trusting God.... ... So, the wait continues...

Waiting & 2nd Care Package

2008-07-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

We are still waiting to find out about how the court hearing went on 6/26. Our agency did say that we should get a ruling in aprx 5-6 weeks from that date, so it is possible we will not hear anything until the 5-6 weeks is over... but then, it would be great if we heard that it is FINAL.... I was hoping for even quicker result... (I think everyone prays that they would be the case that speeds through at lightening speed). We are still holding on to hope that we can travel mid-late August to make our trip easier with the kids still being on summer break.

On another note, today, I am going to finally send our 2nd care package... Our update from May said that Anna likes toys with bells, so I went around town looking for something like that and found one and some other toys. I also found a "talking photo album"... it's an album that holds 24 pages and each page, you can record 10 seconds of sound. I started with a picture of Anna and said her name and then went on with our other family members, each speaking their own name. I also took a picture of the mobile hanging over her crib and recorded the music from the mobile. There were still quite a few pages left, so I read her a story about Jesus and the children and included pictures from the book. I know she may not understand the words, but I wanted her to get famililar with the sounds of our voice and the language she will be hearing alot, and, eventually speaking.

As each day goes by, I begin to ache even more. I just want to get on the plane and go get her!!

The first family from our agency that signed up with the Taiwan program is in Taipei right now, getting ready to pick up their little daughter from Chung Yi. Looking at the places they go in Taipei makes me long to be there too. I am sure it'll get harder when I see pictures of them at the orphanage. I really didn't think this phase would be as hard as it has been the past couple of days... God, give me the grace to just enjoy today with our boys.

June UPDATES!!!

2008-06-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

We received our updates today and I am now officially DYING to travel to get her!!!
Take a peek at these cute pictures!!!!
The woman holding her is her birthmother

I just about died when I saw her with that head band and dress! We sent both of those things to her, along with the pacifier clip and pacifier that is in one of the pictures!

Please pray we get to travel very soon! I actually feel a physical ACHE in my heart that she is so far away and doesn't even know us... I know it might sound weird for those who have never adopted and wonder if it's possible to love a child that you didn't give birth to... but I am finding out that it's true and I know it's only because she is one God has given us.

We didn't receive a detailed update about her life, but we did receive her latest weight, height and head circumference...

I had Aaron check the US growth chart for a female her age and found the percentile for each.

Height: 62cm (24") (15th percentile)

Weight: 6.72kg (14.82 lbs) (50th percentile)

Head Circumference: 16"(25th percentile)

Our boys' head circumference are (just for fun) Noah (21"), Calvin (21 1/2"), Michael (20")

This one is my favorite... she looks SOOOO cute!!

Her smile in this one is so precious! I need to go get her!!

This is SOOOO cute! It also made me cry when I saw it because I can't imagine what the birthmother is thinking....holding her baby like that and making her smile and then knowing she can't keep her.... so heartbreaking.

Booster HBV shots

2008-06-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

After some discussion with the pediatrician and the pediatric infectios disease specialist here in town, we decided to just give Calvin & Michael one more dose of HBV immunization to hopefully give them a boost. The chances, according to the infectious disease specialist, for our boys contracting this virus through casual contact with Anna is not very likely, so he thought just for our peace of mind, we could just give the boys a booster shot. So, we did that this afternoon! No more shots and blood work (hopefully!) for a while!

Now, we just need to hear that we received Final Decree and then our Travel approval!

COURT DATE!!!

2008-06-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

As I was driving the boys to swimming this morning, I heard a beep on my cell phone and it was an email from Fei at ASIA... the subject said "First Court day" so I excitedly opened the email while driving (which, I know I shouldn't do because it's dangerous, I just couldn't help it). All I saw was 6/26! and I squealed with excitement and told the boys we have a court date!!! This is amazing news because in general, court dates are not given out this quickly. I am thanking God for speeding things up on our behalf. I've been praying all along that God will just move the paperwork quickly through the court system and that nothing will hinder the process. That means tomorrow night at 6:30pm PST, our case will be heard in the Taiwan courts. Our agency rep said in the email that this hearing is for the birthmother to give up her rights and that if all goes well, a final ruling will usually follow 5-6 weeks later. She predicts we'll travel in late Sept or early October... although, I am secretly hoping that the judge gives a final ruling right away and not have to wait 5-6 weeks. That will be so great if we could travel while the boys are still on summer break from school. It sure would simplify things for us to not have to pull them out of school. It is all in God's timing though so I am trying to remain calm and live in His peace.

Please pray for a quick ruling!!! :) :)

The boys' turn...

2008-06-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

I broke the news to our boys that they will have to get their blood drawn to make sure they are immune to Hep B.... they were not very excited about it, but they were all so brave and said they would do it for their sister... So, Aaron & I took them... we really wanted Michael to go first since we thought he would likely be the most fearful, but because of the way the paperwork was entered in the computer, they had to draw Noah's first... that went really well... no tears... Then it was Calvin's turn.... he really looked nervous, but it went great... again, no tears..... but then it was Michael's turn ... even though he had been so brave, he broke down and began to cry... ALOT... and this was BEFORE they even started. Thankfully, Aaron was with him and I was still trying to get our paperwork worked out at the front desk... I heard him cry what seemed like FOREVER and the whole time I just wanted to go rescue him... but, they got it and he survived!

We were really hoping that they all would show immunity to Hep B., but when Aaron got the results back from the lab, it showed no immunity for Calvin & Michael .... which means, they will probably have to either get the whole series started again, or do a booster shot and then another blood test to see if it shows immunity... It makes me sick to think about having to go through all that again... especially with Michael.

Here are some pictures of the boys after the blood draw... I am so proud of them for being so brave! Noah even told me that if he could somehow give away his immunity to Michael, he would just so that Michael wouldn't have to do it again... He is such a sweetheart and I just know he is going to be such a great big brother to Anna. They all will. God's blessed me with 3 wonderful boys that are so caring.

Michael

Calvin

Noah

We are immune!

2008-06-21T20:39:00.001-07:00

Aaron & My blood test came back for Hep B titres and it looks like I am VERY immune to Hep B and Aaron is immune also.... you are considered immune with a certain # (which I don't understand), and 18 is considered immune... Aaron's number was 48 and mine came back at 150+....

Now we have to test our boys... not looking forward to that...

Blood test

2008-06-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

Today, Aaron & I went in to get our blood drawn to check for our HBV titres. Since Anna has tested positive for HBV, we need to make sure we are immune to it. We have both had our Hep B vaccincations so we should be OK, but it is recommended that we know for sure. We should have the boys tested as well, even though they all have had their vaccinations too.... I am not looking forward to having their blood drawn.. Michael already struggles with just getting shots. I think getting blood drawn is more traumatic. Part of me wonders if I should just let them go for now and wait until we test Anna here before we make the boys go through this, but, I know that I would feel better knowing that I am protecting our boys. I've been trying to read up on HBV so that I am aware of how to take care of Anna once she is here. The more I read about it, the more I am learning that it is a very manageable condition. Still, I am praying daily that God will heal her completely. I keep thinking back to the day that I first saw Anna's picture and Aaron opened the fridge at his office and found a bag labeled "Hepatitis B Vaccination". I really feel like that was a confirmation from God... 1) That We were supposed to go ahead and petition to adopt her and 2) That God was saying she will be "vaccinated" from this disease... i.e., healing) Only God knows and time will tell how things pan out... Healing, or no healing, her life is in His hands and we are trusting Him 100%.

Earthquakes and prayer request...

2008-06-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up on sunday morning, June 1st, to a report that there was an earthquake(6.4) in the Phillippines and southern Taiwan. Anna lives in Taipei, which is located in northern Taiwan, so I was relieved to know that she is safe, however, an hour or so later, I heard of another earthquake (6.0), this time it was felt in Taipei. I am fully trusting God will protect her so I am not losing sleep over that, but it makes me want to travel even sooner to go get her. In my spirit I feel like God is doing something with these earthquakes in Asia.... but, that is for another day and not what this post is about... I am requesting for prayer....

Before I make my request, I want to tell you a little bit about the Taiwan adoption process...

In Taiwan, the adoption is final before you travel. What happens is

1) You receive your referral (in our case, Anna is our referral)
2) Our dossier gets sent to Taiwan (I believe the orphanage) (ours was sent on May 28)
The dossier is a stack of paperwork that basically proves who we are and our "qualifications" for adopting her... it includes medical reports of Aaron & I, our financial report, an employment verification for Aaron and a non-employment verification for me, our state certified and authenticated homestudy, power of attorney so that a rep from the orphanage can be in the courts and sign on our behalf, an adoption agreement, our approval form fro the INS office stating we are allowed to bring an orphan from Taiwan into our country for adoption, (I might be missing a couple of other info, but basically that is our dossier)

3) Our dossier gets translated into chinese and it enters the court system in Taiwan.
(The courts will assign a judge to the case, which can take anywhere from a few weeks to 8 months!!) It all depends on the schedule of the courts and the schedule and possibly the personality of the judge.

4) Once the case is logged into the "system" and a judge is assigned to our case, a hearing date is set...(I am assuming that a hearing can be scheduled right away, or it could get delayed) this is where it gets a little bit mysterious and there are probably many steps in between that I just am not aware of...

5) On the hearing date, I believe the judge is responsible for going through the case... some of the things he/she will need to determine is to make sure that first, the orphan is truly an orphan and everyone that may be able to claim her as a dependent is presented and makes their final relinquishment. In our case, Anna doesn't really have any family members other than her birthmother. The birthfather disappeared as soon as he found out the birthmom was pregnant and she has not had any contact with him since that time. Her mother does not even know about her pregnancy since she kept it a secret. The birthmother chose us, so I believe she has already done her part in relinquishing Anna to the state, which, in my mind should be a very easy case. Ofcourse, the judge's job is to also make sure that Aaron & I are legitmate and hopefully the paperwork proves that we are great candidates for parenting Anna. Once the judge has had time to go over everything and those who he wants to question are present, he can make his final ruling right away (although, I believe there is a mandatory 10 day period after final ruling to make sure the birthmother has a chance to change her mind). Sometimes, though, the judge can ask for a 2nd hearing if he/she doesn't get enough information to make a ruling right then.
Once the final ruling is made in our favor, the court process is over and Anna is more or less ours for good! After that happens, we are given notice by our agency and we can begin to make travel arrangements! Our agency will make an appointment at the AIT (basically the US Consulate in Taiwan) and the US side of the paperwork for bringing home Anna begins. It usually takes about a month to get her paperwork, visa, passport in order and during that time, we'll be making our travel arrangements to go get her.

Now that you know all that, and knowing that this could be as quick as 1-2 months or as late as 8+ months, (Those who have done adoption paperwork state-side, know how each state and its government offices can be super quick, or VERY slow or somewhere in between, can get a good idea how the Taiwan process works too....it's basically the same... ) Our prayer request is as follows:

1) Anna will know we are her parents and attach to us quickly (we know God can cause that to happen so that's our prayer)

2) That we have FAVOR with the government in Taiwan and will be given a very quick hearing appointment and that the judge will grant us final ruling on the same hearing.

3) That we will travel in the perfect time that God has... I personally would LOVE to travel in July(although that would mean our hearing HAS to be scheduled THIS month and have a final ruling by the end of the month.. God can do that if He wants) because the boys will be out of school and it will give us a good month to adjust before school starts and they wouldn't have to miss school to go get her. God's timing is perfect though so we know God will work out those details.

4)That God would prepare Aaron & my hearts (and the boys too) for adding Anna to our family. It's been 6 years since I've had a "baby" in the house and although I am SO excited, I know it is also a very demanding time. We want to make sure we are all prepared to work together.

5) A great family bonding time with the boys and for Aaron & I to have some couple time before our life gets busy.

Thank you for reading ALL of this... your prayers mean alot and if you want to, you can even leave your prayer in the comment section ~ but don't feel obligated to.

Blessings!

UPDATES!!!!

2008-05-28T12:47:00.001-07:00

I once again received an unexpected surprise today of Anna's updates!! I am really beginning to like Chung Yi!! One of the coordinators at ASIA wrote me to let me know that her name has been changed to Li-Syuan (used to be Li-Xuan). Anyways, doesn't make a huge difference to me since she is our Anna Li Grace, but kinda glad they didn't change the "Li" part of it since we have already decided to make that one of her middle names. Here are her photos!!

Look at that SWEET smile!!

Look how cute she is!!! I can't help but smile when I see her little face!!! AND, did you notice the CUBE picture frame above her head on one of the shots??!! Yes, that is from US!!! It makes me so happy to know it's in her crib :) Atleast the caregivers were kind enough to include it in the picture.

I believe these pictures were taken sometime between May 19th and yesterday. (Since the cube was in the care package that they received on May 19th). She is getting so big! The onesie she has on is not one that we sent her, but it's still very cute :)

I was so happy to see more of an update this time... here are some things on the written updates about her ~ these are things that were observed from March 1 - April 10th.

The black writing are the comments from orphanage, the pink are my comments :)

Her nickname is Wa-wa (it means baby) and she likes to drink water (good girl!)

She drinks formula every 3-3.5 hrs (got some info on what type of formula also)

she likes her pacifier, doesn't like darkness and sounds of thunder (I don't either...)

She tends to regurgitate, need to feed her in different times and pat her back!(going to have to take extra outfits and many burp cloths!)

She can turnaround and move around lying down. She can lift her head and move right and left. She will blink her eyes if there is a light and if there is a sudden noise she will be frightened and cry with open arms and legs. (poor baby... wish I could comfort her when that happens)

She can make meaningless (love it..) sounds when hearing her name.

She likes to be massaged and patted on her back. (I laughed outloud when I read this because Aaron & Calvin are my "physical touch"(love languages) men and they are ALWAYS wanting massages and pats on their backs (especially Aaron).

Preferred toys are toys bells and toy animal (will have to find her a toy bell of some kind....)

Most feared item: Being alone (this broke my heart). She likes being held in arms.

Also noted that she needs extra massage and comfort (hmm, wondering if I am going to have a little cuddle baby? :)

She wears Pampers Size M diapers (good to know)

Sleep Conditions:

She likes quiet place and is easily awakened (uh-oh... could be a problem with house full of boys...but, I have to say, that is just like me) When awakened, we need to comfort her. (Ok, no problem...)

Special Habits During Sleep:

She needs to use pacifier and listen to music (I LOVED that! She is like me!!! ofcourse, minus the pacifier) We also massage her limbs for her (starting to sound more and more like Aaron)

She has normal appetite

She was drinking formula every 1.5 hrs, but has been training to go every 3 hours (Thank you, caregivers!)

She likes to drink water. She sleeps soundly at night until next morning for milk (nice!). Her emotion is stable (that's good, 'cuz her mama's is not!) Massage her limbs and speak to her and help her to sleep. (if she gets in the habit of this, we could be in BIG trouble! Just kidding, we'll do anything to make sure she feels loved :) :) )

I am so excited to know she is doing so well! I am praying for speedy court process! There has been people in the past that breezed through the court process so that is what my prayers are! I don't see any reason why she needs to grow up without us a minute more than necessary.

Just wondering.....

2008-05-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

It is 11:20AM in Taipei... and I am wondering what Anna is doing? could she be hugging that pink snuggle blanket that I slept with for a month? Could she be hearing the voices of her family in the US as the nanny squeezes the bear for her? Could she be sad because she is not being held right at this moment? could she be taking her afternoon nap? It is so nice to know that I finally have a daughter that I can picture in my head ~ but now that I know who she is, I have mixed feelings ~ I feel sad that she is having "firsts" without me. I feel sad that she has no idea who I am. I feel sad that someone else knows how to comfort her more than I do (atleast for now). But I also feel so grateful... I am grateful that she lives in a wonderful orphanage where the nannies really care for her. I am grateful that she has a warm place to sleep. I am grateful that she looks so healthy and full of life. I am grateful that God chose us to be her parents. My thoughts go back to what she might be doing now.... maybe wearing one of the cute outfits we sent her and snuggling happily with the pink blanket and bear and perhaps staring into the picture of the one she'll one day call "mommy" :)

Authenticated Documents BACK from Taiwan Consulate!!

2008-05-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

I just received an email from Fei at ASIA that she received the authenticated docs back from the Taiwan Consulate in Seattle!!! YIPPEE! She said that our dossier should go out to Taiwan tomorrow or Thursday! Finally, after over a month of waiting, our paperwork is closer to going through the court process! Ofcourse, our countdown doesn't even begin until our dossier is in Taiwan. Our agency says once the dossier is translated, it begins the court process ~ this will take aprox 6-7 months!!! This is the most painful part, because I don't know how I am going to handle waiting for 6-7 months for Anna to come home! God can certainly do miralces, and I am praying this will go very quickly.

A "blogover"

2008-05-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to have this blog "blogged over". I used a wonderful charity blogover site called Blogovers With Love. The site has 5 designers that donate their own time to do blogovers in place of our donation, which is given to Half the Sky and other charities. I was assigned a wonderful designer named Jen who has her own design business.

I love what Jen did with this blog. Cherry blossoms and the colors pink and brown are my favorite, as it matches Anna's nursery and the crib bedding.

This will be a fun place for me to come to for updates on Anna.

Thank you, Jen! If you are in the market for a new blogover, I highly recommend Jen, she is great to work with!

One Month

2008-05-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

This day marks ONE month since we found out Li-Xuan is our Anna! We submitted our end of the paperwork at lightening speed, but, as we all know ~ that doesn't mean it makes it all the way to Taiwan in lighetning speed. Unfortunately, we are the only ones motivated to move fast and it seems from our Agency to State of Oregon to Taiwan Consulate is not as motivated to MOVE fast. I know they have other people to deal with and make happy so they'll move as fast as they can, but if only they knew how important it really is for us to move on with the court process ~ If only they took this as seriously as if they were trying to bring their own child home, I think the process would/could move quicker. In my mind, there is no excuse for ONE month of waiting to submit our dossier....

That said, I know that ultimately God is in charge and even the timing of this is under His total control.

We love her so much already and it pains me to think that she is growing up one more day without her family that we know God has given her.

We love you, Anna Li Grace ~ We are doing everything we can to make sure you get to us as soon as possible.... more importantly, we are praying daily that you are well-cared for and that you will come to us in just the perfect time!

A great email from our agency about our care package!

2008-05-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

I received this email today from Fei at ASIA. Even though our documents are STILL at Taiwan Consulate in Seattle getting authenticated, this email made me smile because I now know that the orphanage likes us and they know a little bit about how much we care about Anna. Here's the email I received. I wish I knew Chinese so I can read exactly, what they wrote. I am sure Fei's translation is accurate though :)

Hi Pam,

They received your packet and ask me to pass this message to you:

Thank you very much for sending so many gifts and cloths to Li-Xuan. We feel the adoptive family really putting their heart into their daughter and prepare their daughter’s arrival.

Because the family sent so many cloths with different sizes, we like to ask the family when Li-Xuan can not wear those cloths anymore should we keep the cloths or let Li-Xuan take them back to the US? Or we should do something else with the cloths?

非常謝謝俐瑄的收養家庭寄了這麼多而禮物、衣服來給她，我們感覺到他們真得很用心的在為女兒的到來而準備。
由於收養家庭寄來的衣服很多，且大小不一，我們想要詢問家庭，若俐瑄已經穿不下這些衣服時，我們應把衣服留下，等俐瑄去美國時一起帶去；還是可以做其他的處置呢？
請您協助詢問！謝謝！

Pam, please let me know I will communicate with the orphanage.

I responded back that they can keep all the clothes except leave one outfit of their choice as a keepsake for us.

Sad Day

2008-05-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today, while I was at the Orthdontist office, I found out by getting en email on my phone, that Steven Curtis Chapman's family suffered the loss of their youngest daughter, Maria...

It was a tragic accident that happened in the family's driveway.

My heart is so heavy for them as I try to understand with my human mind why her life was taken in such a way that will take a miracle to make better.

God is in the miracle business ~ and I know that He will do a miraculous thing in this family's life.

What a loss ~ but also, what a wonderful God they have and can rely on.

Care Package made it ~

2008-05-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was notified by our agency today, that the care package I sent Anna was received. YIPPEE! I just feel happy knowing that she has something that we touched. I hope she liked the bear and the album and stuff.

On another note, the Taiwan consulate STILL has not sent back the authenticated docs to ASIA.... this is the only thing holding our paperwork from going to Taiwan, which then starts the court process. We can't even begin to count down until our dossier is in Taiwan and translated! Come on, Taiwan Consulte.... we need those docs sent to Taiwan NOW :) Ofcourse, God has had the timing of this in His hand all along, so I really should just focus on being at PEACE and at REST.

I think I'll go take a nap :)

We LOVE you, Anna Li Grace ~ Can't wait to see you soon!!!

Care Package, Authentication, and Non-employment letter

2008-05-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today was a crazy busy day for me.... infact, it's not even over yet and the house is a disaster!

This morning, I sent off a care package to Anna. You can see the contents in the picture below...

Do you think I over did it on the care pacakge? When I weighed it, it was over 10lbs!! I just kept thinking of things little Anna will need... One of the very special things we sent her was a bear that Michael & I made at those stuff a bear places... we also included a recording of our voice on there from all five of us. Hopefully, she'll hug that bear alot and hear our voices all the time.

I also received news today that our dossier is being authenticated at the Taiwan Consulate (unlike China, our agency does this step for us and once it is authenticated and they send the complete dossier to Taiwan, our adoption can enter the court process!)

In the same email that I read about our authentication process, I was told that they need an additional paperwork from me... (a non-employment verification letter). They never stated they needed one in their dossier guide, so I am a little irritated that they are bringing this up now... especially knowing that I have had all our documents there for 4 months now and they could have gone through it so long ago. Anyways, I'm mostly irritated that I had to spend another fed-ex overnight fee when it could've been sent all at once. This is the one thing I really LOVE about our China agency, CCAI... they are SOOOO incredibly on top of everything that something like this would never have happened. I think I'm going to LOVE working with CCAI once we get our referral from China.

HS addendum received and a VERY exciting UPDATE!!

2008-04-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Today, I received a very unexpected SURPRISE!!!! Fei wrote first of all to tell me she received the addendum and then she also sent some new PICTURES and weight/height update for ANNA!!! I sure wish I could post pictures! maybe once this blog becomes a private blog, I can post... but for now, I'll just say, she is SOOOOOOOOO cute!!!!

I noticed her chunky little face and how the pacifier was wrapped around her neck with a diaper... I was wondering as I put together the care package whether she uses a pacifier, so now i know and I will send her a pacifier holder!!!

Oh, Fei also told me that I can send her a care package and gave me the Chinese Address for Chung Yi. I am soooo excited!

Tuesday... a little problem...

2008-04-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

Fei at ASIA called me today to tell me that there was a "slight" problem with the docs that got signed... apparently, the notary was supposed to write in the "I certify.... blah, blah, blah" statement but didn't do it on one of the docs.... ofcourse, we didn't know that is was supposed to be written, but thankfully, Fei was able to talk with Jana and get it straightened out. WHEW... And then, I realized that Juline, our social worker, was going to do a hs addendum to include our fingerprint clearance and she hadn't done that yet, so I had to call her and ask her to do that... there was a little tiny bit of "scare" that perhaps, our fingerprints had not cleared yet, but thankfully, it had so Juline should hopefully get that taken care of and sent off to ASIA tomorrow so they can get the docs certified and authenticated! Praying for God's GRACE and smooth EVERYTHING!!!!

Happy Birthday Sheri & Grandma Askew!

2008-04-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today is my sister Sheri's 40th Birthday! I can't believe she is 40! Grandma Askew (Aaron's grandma) is also having a birthday today and I am not quite sure how old she is, but she looks WONDERFUL for her age!

This morning, I had a pretty busy day... After the boys got picked up for school, I drove to Fed-ex to pick up our pkg with our paperwork in it... I had a small window of opportunity to get Aaron to sign off on the docs and get it notarized, it was a challenge to try to get Jana to notarize the docs because she had a sick child, but we got it all taken care of by 2pm and had it sent off back to ASIA for tomorrow.

Sunday, Church Day

2008-04-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

Today, we went to church and ended up volunteering in Xklaim and Zone... They were short-handed and needed some adults to help out, so Aaron went to Xklaim with Calvin and I went to Zone with Noah. We didn't really see many people at church to share the good news with ~ Aaron had alot of work to do (rounding on patients, etc.) so we came home and hung out. Tori & Matt had family in town so they couldn't meet with us for group but we had fun relaxing at home ~ still really hard to believe we have a daughter!!!!

Happy, happy friday

2008-04-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today, the boys didn't have school ~ I invited the boys friends over for a little bit... JP, Logan S., and the Todd brothers (Tristan, Logan & Gavin). They all played outside and got nice and dirty...

I received an email from Fei saying that she sent out a fedex pkg to us with Power of attorney (this allows the orphanage director to present our case on our behalf for the court process), and the adoption agreement. We need to get it notarized and send off to ASIA so that they can begin the authentication process.... once it goes to the state and to TECO in San Francisco for authentications, then we are officially DTT (dossier to Taiwan) and the court process begins. Fei stated in her email that court process from DTT until travel is aprox 6-7 months. I am still praying for sooner and that we get the "fast judge". I have learned through the online Taiwan adoption community, that there is a "fast judge" and a "slow judge". Everyone prays to get the fast judge, for obvious reasons. We hope to have our dossier in Taiwan in a couple weeks.

Tonight, to celebrate Anna, we went out with Chris & Darcy, along with little Trenton, and Mike & Ann with their kiddos Michael & Jane. We went to El Caporal in downtown Bend. It was fun to celebrate this wonderful news with them and I was able to share with them pictures of Anna for the first time.

SHE IS OURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, I got the CALL!!!! Here's what happened!

I came home from dropping off the boys at about 8:45 AM and sat at the computer to check our email just in case ASIA had written about us being denied Li-Xuan…
I started typing away to Jessica Smith on ladybug group about her Taiwan adoption not working out and how frustrating that must have been, when the phone rang at 9:12 AM…. Michael was sitting on the couch right next to my chair and as I stood up to get the phone, knowing it was someone other than Aaron because Aaron’s calls have a distinctive ring, my heart started to beat a little faster because all week I had jumped everytime the phone rang…. Hoping that it would be good news from ASIA…. Well, as I peeked at the caller id on the phone… it said ASIA!!!! I started to shake and thought to myself “THIS COULD BE GOOD NEWS!”… but, as I answered the phone, a quick thought raced through my head… “But, it COULD be bad news…” When I said “hello”, I was greeted by Fei, who said “I have some good news for you!” Immediately, I was just jumping up and down inside.. and she said something about the birthmother choosing us and all I could come up with was “YAHOO!”… She proceeded to tell me a few things about the power of attorney and adoption agreement that was going to be fed-ex’d, but to be honest, I didn’t really hear anything… I was beaming and I wanted to get off the phone so I could celebrate and scream! So, as I prepared to hang up the phone, I said to Fei…”So, I don’t have to do anything today, right?... except to CELEBRATE?” to which she answered “yes.” I think I thanked her a million times and then hung up the phone… I jumped around the kitchen screaming and ran into the great room and started to cry as I told Michael “They picked us!!!” He knew right away what that meant and hugged me and jumped and and down with me!... I called Aaron right away and it went to voicemail… so then I called him again and he answered and I started to tell him “She chose us”… but it was so hard to say because I was crying… he said he was so excited and that he would call me right back because he was with a patient right then…So, I got off the phone and then paced back and forth around the house and called Anna…. I cried as I told her too and I am sure she could barely understand what I said, but she was so excited and somewhat shocked! I was too! I think I thanked God in between racing thoughts and actions…. After Anna, I got online and emailed her a picture of Li-Xuan and sent out a mass email to family that we got her with her picture… Up until this day, only Barbro and Tori & Matt had seen her picture so it was a first for everyone in our family. I made a bunch more calls to Tori, Ann, Gloria & Shannon but I ended up leaving voicemail for everyone except Shannon. They were all so excited for us when I finally did get to talk to each one. I took Michael to school at 12:05 and looked for Calvin & Noah at the playground to tell them about it and they were all so excited as well as the teachers! Then, I headed to Aaron's office and hugged and cried a little with Aaron ~ everyone at Desert Orthopaedics was so happy for us. We went out to lunch afterwards, signed on a new contract with UNICEL (I know, kinda random but our cell phone contract with Tmobile was expiring today)

After I picked up the boys from school, I received some flowers from Desert Othopaedics at the house... it was very sweet...then we all went out to dinner together at Anthony's to celebrate. What a Day! My head is still spinning and I am SOOOO very thankful. God, I give you all the credit for this.... Only You could've orchestrated this so perfectly.

Happy Friday and an EMAIL

2008-04-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday ~ I received an email from Marci! YIPPEE! It isn't EXCITING news, but atleast it's NEWS... here's what she wrote me...

Thanks for checking in. I was just going to contact you because I checked in with Taiwan about that yesterday. They wrote back and said that they are presenting the files to the birthmother to make her decision shortly. It sounds like we should know soon, but they did not give me an exact time frame. We will let you know as soon as we have information. Please let me know if I can help you with anything else.

Sincerely,
Marci

So, there you have it... our files are being presented to the birhtmother... I kinda figured that is what was happening and had hoped the decision had been made already, but atleast now I know and I can REST... until... who knows WHEN... but I'll continue to exercise my "trusting in God" muscles :) Thank you, God for this news.
I pray YOU will direct the decision-making process! Go God! :)

Still ~ NO NEWS!

2008-04-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

It is so hard to wait.... why are we so impatient? I have to think that I am more patient now than I was 4 years ago when we began this adoption journey... I don't know if I'll ever be so patient that waiting doesn't phase me... I guess that is not the goal in life... but that everytime we feel impatient, we can say "God, I am feeling impatient today, please help me see You in this"... So, that's what I am asking today....

I wrote Marci at ASIA tonight about status..... Since I didn't get a response from Fei yet, it's possible she is on vacation or something.... anyways, another weekend is coming and I want to know something.... if it means "wait some more" atleast I want to know THAT.

So, I wait... :) Praying I hear "something" tomorrow...

No news...

2008-04-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

I decided to write Fei at ASIA today to ask about status... we'll see if she answers us today...

Also, I went on a field trip with Calvin's class to the Redmond Nursery. It was kinda fun to see all the flowers ~ can't wait 'till spring.

No news and Good news!

2008-04-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over 3 weeks now since we turned in our LOI... I thought waiting 2 weeks was going to be LONG but now it's turning into 4 weeks very quickly...

I just want to know so I can move on if it's bad news for us. I prayed that God will make the decision and no matter what, His plan will prevail in the end.

We "officially" celebrate Calvin's birthday tonight with some party hats, great food, Cake, etc... Aaron almost couldn't make it to the party, but he's such a good dad and canceled his case!

On another happy note, I just found out today that Alisha, one of my friends from the Ladybug yahoo group (Christian women adopting from China group) that she received a call today for a referral!!! She has been on her agency's waiting child program and got a match today and verbally accepted her! I was so excited to hear this news since she has had her share of heart break with adoption. Congratulations, Alisha & Family!!

We are back and Happy Birthday, Calvin!

2008-04-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

We are back from our trip to Bama and Calvin is 8 years old today!! I took him some cupcakes during lunch at school for his class to celebrate with him. He and Noah also started Karate today at Sortor Bushido Kai. I think they had fun but Noah doesn't seem too excited about it... they were both so cute in their uniforms!

Didn't find out anything today about Li-Xuan... I think I'll wait a couple days before I call ASIA.

I did find out while we were on vacation that it looked like the orphanage was going through all the homestudies and deciding which ones get to be submitted to the birthmother. There was atleast one family that I heard of on the yahoo group that was told their family didn't make it through that round. We haven't heard anything yet, so I am assuming this means good news???

We are going to celebrate Calvin's birthday (officially) tomorrow! Tonight, we had potstickers and just had some fun celebrating Calvin.

Heading out to Portland and some news....

2008-04-02T16:34:00.000-07:00

Since we are headed to Portland tomorrow, I thought I'd write Fei at ASIA and email to make sure she knew our cell phone numbers just in case she had to get a hold of us while we were gone (i.e., in case she had great news and wanted to call us!). She replied back with this...

Got your packet…

The Foundation actually stopped accepting HS on Monday, March 31 because they received big number of homestudies. So far, you are the number two family. The Foundation will look at all the homestudies and determine qualified the families. If the number one family is qualify, they will be the first homestudy to present to the birth parents. Birth parents can say YES or NO. If the answer is YES, they will stop right there. And the first family will pursue this child. If the answer is NO, your homestudy will be the next. It may takes couple of weeks to come up the decision. So enjoy your vacation, I will have your number handy.

Fei

This actually made me feel hopeless... like we don't really have a chance because if the first family is qualified and the birthmom says yes, it's over... As I told Aaron about this email, I started crying and he reassured me that nothing has changed. I think I know that in my head... but my heart is beginning to feel sad and wondering "what if we're not picked?"

I started thinking I wish I would've made a stronger case on our LOI about how great we are, etc... but again, I am reminded.... MAN TRIES TO MAKE PLANS FOR HIMSELF, BUT IT IS GOD WHO HAS THE FINAL WORD. I really believe that. If she is not meant to be our daughter, we don't want her. We only want the one God has for us ~ we really mean that.

Alright, off to Portland and the wedding we go!

I-171H!!!

2008-03-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

Today, I received a surprise in the mail! Our I-171H for Taiwan!!! This means that if we get to adopt Li-Xuan, there will not be any delays on our part trying to get paperwork together and we can submit our paperwork just as soon as possible!!! Yippee! I am surprised because the USCIS still hasn't cashed our $360 change of country fee.... hmm... anyways, no complaints here, just excited to have this piece of paper in my hand! Tomorrow, I'll get a copy of it notarized and sent off to ASIA!!!

What??? We have to wait?

2008-03-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, So it looks like we have to wait some more.....

Yesterday when we talked on the phone with Fei, it sounded like as soon as we turned in our paperwork and if we were the FIRST family, we'd automatically get to adopt Li-Xuan... well, that is NOT the case... I received an email from Fei that said Taiwan receiped our homestudy addendum and LOI and we are so far FAMILY #2 who has turned in the paperwork ... (sounds like we are family #2 for every line).... anyways, The orphanage has decided to take as many applicants as possible until April 4th and then a committee will decide out of those applicants who gets to adopt her... So, I am a little bit disappointed that now we have to wait for 2+ weeks to find out if we are chosen or not... Looks like we might end up finding out if she's ours while we are vacationing in Gulf Shores, AL after Judah & Trish's wedding. It'll be kinda cool to find out while we are there with the family.

I trust that God is the ultimate decision maker on this and even though I know it'll be hard if we don't get her, I know that God's will and perfect plan for her and us is what I want. Let it be according to Your will, Lord.

Extraordinary Monday!

2008-03-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Aaron usually has a full day of surgeries on monday, but it seems God had other plans for him today.... He had ZERO patients scheduled for surgery, which meant, he could stay home with us! The boys started Spring Break today, so that was a treat for us... and as it turns out, we really NEEDED him to be at home because God wanted us to pursue adopting the little girl on our agency's waiting child list!!! We woke up as usual and had our bible reading time and Aaron & I started praying, talking about adoption, and meditating on scriptures that I felt the Lord gave me lastnight as I was thumbing through the book of Psalms. I couldn't sleep lastnight, partly because I was feeling so much excitement about the possibility of petitioning for the little girl so I decided to do what Bill Johnson had said in one of his messages... (He said that sometimes he just reads the book of Psalms from chapter one and he keeps going through all the chapters until he finds one or two or more that God speaks to Him).. So, I did that... went through the Psalms after praying God would speak to me....

He gave me a BUNCH of them, but here is one that REALLY brought peace to me and I felt like He was directly speaking it to us for this situation:

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

When the LORD is watching over you and telling you that HE IS GUIDING US ALONG THE BEST PATHWAY FOR OUR LIFE, then there is NO FEAR. I had mixed feelings about "What if this is NOT God??" "What if this is just ME wanting what I want?" So, knwoing that God knows our hearts, our weaknesses, and knowing that He knows we just want what He wants, this verse gave me so much peace.

Another incredible one He gave us was this scripture...

DAY BY DAY THE LORD TAKES CARE OF THE INNOCENT, AND THEY WILL RECEIVE AND INHERITANCE THAT LASTS FOREVER... PSALM 37:18

When I felt this scripture came from the Lord, All I could say was "wow"... God KNOWS this little girl... He "takes care of the innocent"... She is an innocent child, born in a sad situation, but God is saying "HER LIFE IS NOT OVER... HER CIRCUMSTANCES LOOK BAD, BUT I AM WRITING HER STORY... SHE IS GOING TO RECEIVE AN INHERITANCE THAT WILL LAST FOREVER. I explained to Aaron that I felt strongly that whoever ends up in our home will inherit GOD as part of her heritage!!! She may not have heritage that lasts forever now, but she will once she gets here. In my heart, I felt like SHE IS THE ONE that will inherit this... but at the same time, I didn't know she was 100% ours yet.... I just knew that we were supposed to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.... Aaron agreed totally that we are supposed to move forward and ask our agency about her and begin the process of petitioning for her... So, at 9AM, I called our agency and asked Marci and she told me that there were lots of people asking about her, but that we had a good chance of adopting her since our homestudy is already in Taiwan and we could be the first family to submit a homestudy for her. So, we asked for more info and planned to call Dr. Faucett (infectious disease specialist that Aaron works with alot) or Dr. Chunn (pediatric infectious disease specialist) about her condition. As we began to pray and wait for the paperwork to be emailed over, we felt like God was saying to us NOT to get a "second opinion" about her condition... that we need to go by faith and not look into what others might think her life would be like with this disease...I was waiting on Aaron to make the final decision and when he said "Yes, I think we should pursue adopting her." I started bawling.... It just suddenly hit me that this girl could be our daughter!!! So, we called Marci back and said we want to pursue adopting her! She transferred me to Fei, who gave me instructions on how to write the LOI and get a homestudy addendum done to add Hep B as a special need condition. So, Aaron called Juline Bodnar, our social worker and she agreed to fax an addendum over to Fei... In the meantime, we received the information about the little girl... her name is Li-Xuan Wong... Her mother is 37 years old and has 3 other children with her ex-husband... the oldest is a girl (13 years old) and lives with her grandmother and the 2 boys live with the dad... She has no contact with her ex-husband or her sons. She lives alone working so she can send money to her mother and her daughter. Her story made me cry... it made me realize how empty life can get and how much that could've been ME. God indeed is good to bring Li-Xuan out of that life and into a new life. She was born at 4:27pm on 1/31/08 (only a day after Eden Askew, her cousin!)

We typed up a new LOI and received a call back from Marci asking us to think about submitting an LOI that includes a little more info on how to treat her condition. So we did that.

I called Ann Mara, Anna, mom, Gloria about our potential adoption! I am so excited!

Easter Sunday

2008-03-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

On Easter Sunday, we were able to hang out at home ~ we had already gone to church lastnight, so we spent a great deal of time in the morning just relaxing... We also spent a considerable amount of time praying, talking and celebrating Easter. WE did some Easter egg hunt, colored some eggs, made egg salad sandwiches from the colored eggs, etc.

It was a great Easter... I am so thankful that Jesus not only died for me but ROSE from the dead so We can LIVE!!!! Jesus died so that this little girl can be HEALED of her disease. He died so that I can have a life that is abundant in Him. My brain is too human to comprehend what He's done for me, but this day, with all the understanding I have and the understanding I don't have... I give Him THANKS.

An Ordinary Saturday???

2008-03-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's post spoke of a "sign"... well, I didn't write about that "sign" because I didn't know about this "sign" until Saturday, March 22.

We woke up, had pancakes with the boys, like we often do on saturdays when Aaron is home, and then we started to read our daily bible reading and have some time together (Aaron & I) in the great room... As I started talking about the little girl with Hepatitis B, Aaron & I felt like maybe God is stirring something in us and this COULD be God for us to pursue her.... we decided to just be in a state of listening and waiting all day and to see if God would just show signs and begin to confirm what we felt like He was saying to us...

So, as we cleaned our bedroom, we decided to listen to some teaching tapes by Bill Johnson and in this teaching, he talked about how God sometimes talks to us in ways we are not really fully thinking he would (that is WAY over simplifying the message since Bill Johnson is a very deep, intense bible teacher/pastor). As he said that Aaron stopped the teaching for a minute and said "You know, I remembered something that I saw yesterday.." and he began to tell me that yesterday (the 21st), he was in the lunch room at work and opened the regrigerator and found a BAG marked "Hepatitis B Vaccination" on it... He thought to himeself this was very strange because it's not an everyday occurence to see a bag marked Hepatitis B vaccination in the LUNCH room refrigerator! He said "I think this is God trying to tell us something!"

So, we thanked God and asked Him to direct us step by step and to keep giving us confirmations throught the weekend so that maybe Monday, we would be able to call the Agency and find out a little more about this little girl...

Westside Church was hosting a very special guest speaker on this day... it was a man named Nick Vujicic . He is an amazing man... Click on his name and checkout who he is...

Anyways, he came to our church to teach during all services, so we went on saturday at 4pm.... the church was PACKED! It was so amazing to watch and hear how God has used him in his life without any limbs. God used his message to bring HUNDREDS to people to salvation in Jesus. It was amazing. That meeting left me feeling like "wow, God really can do anything through anyone who is willing to just obey His voice"... No handicaps, no Hepatitis B is going to stop our daughter from becoming fully alive in Christ... If she is ours, God can heal her or even work through her virus. He is limitless and I want to stop putting limits on what He can do.

Good Friday and a "sign"

2008-03-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

Woke up as usual this morning, the boys didn't have school but I was really sick... did some stuff around the house... Not much of a day to speak of, but around 5pm, I checked our agency's website to see if they had posted a picture of the waiting children they wrote us about... sure enough, I saw the first little girl, was not really drawn to her, saw the next one, very cute, but nothing much stirred in my heart... and then I saw the 3rd one... my heart just melted and I wanted so badly to adopt her but felt in my heart that it could never happen because of her condition... I have fears about what this condition could mean to our family... Could God be calling us to adopt her so that He can heal her? Could God be calling us to adopt her and for us to learn to deal with a child with special needs? I just didn't know what to think and because I wasn't really educated on hepatitis, I initially just felt fear and doubt that we could ever adopt her... So, I continued to just ask God to show us and direct our path. We certainly don't want to do anything that is not His plan. WE have to think about what this would mean to our family and the people around us. So much to consider.... I did some research on hepatitis in general, and specifically hepatitis b.... I felt reassured as I read further into what a typical life of a person with this condition would face. When Aaron came home, I asked him about his thoughts on whether God is calling us to adopt her. We both prayed and it was clear that God was beginning to soften His heart to this because He said that He felt God say to Him " Would you adopt her even with her condition and trust that I will work things out for you?" We just began to pray about it and since there wasn't any action we could take immediately because it is the weekend, we decided we would wait on Him the whole weekend and just see how He leads us... it's obvious that He is already doing something and it's possible that we would seriously consider adopting this little girl! It is exciting and very scary all at the same time!

The DAY of Miracle Wonders

2008-03-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

This day came like every morning... Aaron made me coffee, I read my bible, took the boys to school, etc... After I took Michael to afternoon kindergarten, I sat down to check my email and there was an email from ASIA (our Taiwan agency) with the subject...

NEW TAIWAN WAITING CHILDREN... in the email was written:

Dear Aaron and Pamela,

ASIA has received 3 more waiting children from Taiwan! We have a 2 year
old girl with Heptatitis C, a 3 month old girl with Hepatitis C and an
angioma on her head, and a 1 ½ month old girl with Hepatitis B. Home
studies for these children would need to be submitted by April 4th. The
agency in Taiwan will accept as many home studies as are submitted for
these children......

My eyes went immediately to the one with Hepatitis B... I thought to myself... "I wonder if this is the "miracle-wonders" God is talking about?? I asked God to reveal it to us if it was Him and that He will direct us to research further into this but just let it go and let me forget about it if it's not His plan... I was curious to find out exactly what Hepatitis B was, so I called Aaron and asked him and he said it could be good or bad...and he said we can talk about it when he got home...

Well, he didn't come home in time to really discuss this, so I decided to let it go for now...

Joshua 3:5

2008-03-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

This morning, during my bible reading time, our assigned reading was Joshua 3. When I got to the verse where it reads... "Sanctify yourselves. Tomorrow God will work miracle-wonders among you." It jumped out at me.... I was a little bit shocked because it jumped out at me and I felt the Spirit say in my heart... "This is for you... do this today and I'll do a miracle-wonder"... So, I asked God in my heart... "How do you want me to sanctify myself today?" to which, I felt like He just simply said "Walk close with me and really watch the way you live"... to me, it meant to really pay attention to live the way God would want me to live today... He gave me a few ideas about how to go about sanctifying myself and even though i have NO IDEA why or what He was going to do TOMORROW, I tried my best to obey... Keeping Him on the forefront of my thoughts... it was easy to do in some aspects, because I volunteered in Michael's class, where they were doing a Good Friday Theme Day... I was really able to focus on Jesus and what He did for me personally.

We'll see what brings tomorrow... God, I am waiting for Your miracle wonder.. it may not even be something I see...

We are Family #2

2008-02-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

We were Family #4 on the Non-special needs list, but now due to 2 families not getting approval from the Taiwan Orphanage, we have moved up to #2 in line for a referral! I wish we didn't have to move up in line this way since there are 2 families that are hurting and probably feel very discouraged right now.

I am praying those families end up finding their daughters/sons that are meant to be theirs. God is amazing and He has handpicked Anna Grace for us. We are excited to see when He'll bring her to us.

We hope being #2 means we could get a referral before summer ends... Aaron hopes to travel sometime in September or November right around Thanksgiving. Since it takes aprx 4-6 months for the court process to go through after referral, we almost need to get a referral immediately to have that happen.

God knows so we're not worried....

Homestudy paperwork.... done

2007-12-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

We had to have a few things updated (paperwork-wise) for our China homestudy update as well as our new Taiwan homestudy....

I received the package in the mail from Christian Family Adoptions yesterday and worked on it immediately....

We needed new financials, new medical update, which, Derek is going to help us with, a criminal investigations consent, and new life sketches for each of our family members.

Today, we paid the big fee to ASIA to get started on the dossier.
Today, I also went to our local police station to get our criminal background letter for our dossier. It should be ready in a couple of days according to the police station.

We found out that Juline, our social worker will have to come here for a home visit, so I am praying God's FAVOR on us to make it happen before Christmas. We go to Hawaii in the middle of January so I really want to have this done before we go and have our homestudy sent to Taiwan very soon!

Aaron was at the hospital yesterday, talking to Jill from our church, whose daugher had been miraculously saved and recovering well in the hospital after a car accident. Aaron was talking to her about our China adoptions slowing WAY down and he mentioned to her that we'll be adopting from Taiwan in the meantime and she said, without knowing what has been going on with us..."I think this is about God's GRACE"... Aaron said to her that we had felt like she is supposed to be named either ANNA, ANNIE or GRACE (all means Favor, gracious, GRACE) and she said "How about Anna Grace? I really think that was God because we had been wondering what to do since we already have a family member that would be her cousin named Grace and we still really liked that name... So, now we can name her Anna Grace.... I think that's perfect!

Our New Journey begins....

2007-12-05T19:03:00.000-08:00

Aaron & I have decided to adopt from Taiwan while we wait our referral of Selah from China!!! This came a bit suddenly.... I had been wanting to adopt another girl either before or after Selah, and knowing the timeline for referral for China increasing, we have been praying about a 2nd adoption... ofcourse, we had hoped by now that there would be some development in Indonesia, but since we are not hearing any word of that, we have given up that it will ever happen....

a couple days before thanksgiving, we received an email from Barbara Jajeh, who goes to Aaron's parents church. We met her and Daniel, and their 2 little girls from China in the fall. She had been talking with Barbro and asked about what is going on with our China adoptions, and Barbro had told her it has pretty much come to t stand still... So, she sent me a link to her agency, who had recently started a Taiwan program.

I casually asked Aaron, do you want to adopt from Taiwan, to which he said, tell me more about it.... I was shocked at first because he had turned down all of my attempts in the past with Guatemala and India but since Taiwan is very close to Okinawa and it is part of China, it really appealed to him and ofcourse, to me... so we prayed about it and basically felt the peace to go the next step... this was on November 27, 2007... the next day, I sent in the application by fax and by saturday, we had our first packet in the mail. ASIA had initially wanted to do our homestudy, but after talking with Christian Family Adoptions, it seemed easier just to go with them again because they seem to think they wouldn't need as much from us.

I had the initial disappointment of thinking we had to get fingerprinted locally, but thankfully, we found out we don't have to because we've lived in the state of Oregon for 5 years! THANK God!

So, now we are waiting for ASIA to send us the 2nd packet with info on how to proceed with the dossier.

I spoke with Mindy @Christian Family Adoptions and she said it would cost us $375 for the homestudy update for China (Oh, yeah, the INS office in Yakima called and said they need an updated homestudy for the CHINA I-171H so we get to do that simultaneously).... Isn't God's timing perfect, or what??

The only thing, according to Mindy that we have to do is our Present Life Sketch, 2006 Tax statement, Financial statement, a new application, and they will need to do a home visit for the Taiwan portion. So, Juline should be calling us soon! I hope.... I am praying we get to have our home visit before christmas so that we can hopefully have our homestudy in Taiwan by the time we go to Hawaii...

Disappointing email

2007-09-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

I received an email from mom this morning about how their trip has been going so far.... they just returned from Manado, a town on the island of Sulawesi.... it is this town's hospital that Susi & Fenni have contacted to ask about a newborn girl. This is a town that Mom & Dad have never been to and it happened to come about that there was a need for them to minister there.... I had high expectation that when they were ministering there, God would orchestrate that they find our baby girl. I know it is crazy but everything really seemed to line up that way.... from the figurine given to me last December, to mom & dad being there right when the baby will be due (based on figurine).... and the increased faith God has been giving me about believing for a child from there.....

well, the email from mom talked about the bad roads in Manado, the meetings there, but no mention of a God-orchestrated meeting.... at the end of the email, it said "Talked to Susi and Fenni.... they have no word on a girl"

I don't know why that sounds so FINAL to me, but my heart just sank.... I am still trying to get myself UP from it. Maybe instead of trying to get myself "up"... I need to ask God to do it.

Maybe all of the "signs" were really not anything at all and I had put my hopes too much in those "things" and not enough in God Himself who wants to talk to me every minute... maybe I replaced "signs" for just plain 'ole relationship and asking HIM what He's doing. I think I am disappointed because I might have been wrong in what I thought was God.....

Aaron said something so simple yet profound.... He said "I think the signs were from God.... but I think God wants you to use the signs to build up FAITH but just rely on Him daily and when the road turns a way you're not sure it should, just ask Him.. "What are you doing right now, and how can I follow you?" So, today, I am laying it all down.... the "signs" the "dreams" the faith, the country of Indonesia. I no longer claim to know where our daughters will come from. I will leave that up to God.... I don't want to get so focused on "specifics" (i.e., due dates, Indonesia, etc...) that I MISS God if He were to present to me an opportunity that He is giving us. God, I don't know what You're doing and I will follow the road you have for me. I will not focus on things, but I will focus on YOU. I welcome any plans that seem like "change of plans" from my perspective. Adoption is something you laid in my heart and I don't want to limit you on how or where our children will come from. Heal my heart ~ let me Hear Your voice today. In Jesus' name.

A Dream....

2007-08-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at 6:39AM after having this dream....

In my dream, there was a stork with a baby in a white blanket, flying towards us...as the stork got closer, I knew that it was not a STORK, but an EAGLE carrying our baby...in my dream, I was SOOOO excited and then I woke up...

I have been asking the Lord to let me know through a sign or dream or something when our daughter is born so that I can celebrate in my heart and begin to really "see" her in my heart and pray for her.... I wonder if this was God telling me that she was born? I guess we'll find out....

I love what God is doing in my heart.

2007-08-29T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's so amazing how God has changed my heart about adoption in the past almost 4 years since he layed this on my heart.... I started out wanting to adopt for the obvious reason of wanting a daughter... but it really did start out fairly shallow.... mostly wanting God to meet "my need" for a girl....(I'm not saying that those reasons are not good enough to adopt.... I think any reason is valid to adopt if God calls you to adopt) but as the doors kept closing on adopting... first with Indonesia, then with Cambodia ~ it made me dig deep down and search my heart.... I still DO want a daughter and I believe God will grant those desires because I think He put it there to begin with.... but all the details of what I felt like I wanted are starting to melt away.....when we had that opportunity to adopt Sherlly & Sharonne back in January, I feel like for us, it was a test... God has been beginning to show me little bit more of why we had to go through that.... Aaron & I really didn't want older children... we really wanted a newborn or an infant.... we definitely didn't want 2 toddler girls that were the same age as our Michael, either... not only that, they already had their own names, they spoke another language, they were taken care of by others as babies, and one of them was older than our Michael, which would throw off the birth order (These were all things that were important to me). Anyways, it really threw me off when that opportunity came by and I really had to give it to God....I told him that night... "God, you know what I want... you know that my desire is for a newborn or infant girl and you know that I want to name her... you know that having her as a baby is an important thing in my heart, you know that throwing off the birth order will take some getting used to....but in the end, I want YOUR PLAN... if these 2 girls are part of YOUR PLAN for our life, make it happen and change my heart and let Aaron & I both have PEACE about it and be in agreement..." Those are the words I spoke to Him and then... Amazingly, He changed my heart so dramatically and we said 'yes' to adopting Sherlly and Sharonne... when we did that, I had this CRAZY JOY that came over me... I suddenly felt FREE... I felt like this bondage of having to "have the ideal situation" was lifted from me. It was a tremendous feeling and I began to really, really get excited about the girls. I even felt like I truly wanted toddlers and I would not want a baby anymore....God had certainly transformed me. Anyways, I believe that the situation with the girls was something we had to go through in order for me to grow even more....I used to also think I DEFINITELY will NOT adopt a boy and that I didn't want to adopt any orphans from Africa.... Don't ask me why and please don't judge me.... it was just something I didn't want or I guess God hadn't given me the desire for that.... but now, this day, if there was a chance to adopt from Africa, I'd do it in a heartbeat... If there was a chance to adopt a boy, I think I would do it. My heart toward orphans has changed... I used to only care for the orphan that I would eventually adopt.... now, I truly ache for the orphans out there without parents. I am not sure what the future holds for my family and how many we'll end up adopting, but I believe God has still more changing in me to do...even though the process is painful, the results so far have been more than wonderful. God, I yield to You... make me desire only You and Your plan.

Another trip to Indo and word about FAVOR

2007-08-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

Aaron's parents are going out to Indonesia again on Sept 2 for about 5-6 weeks. I have been praying for the past 3 months about what God would want us to believe for when it came to adoption from Indonesia and after giving this over to Him in prayer daily, here are some conclusions:

1) He's given us a desire to adopt from Indonesia
2) He's given us someone that is looking for a newborn baby girl for us
3) He's given us a desire and a BIG dream that ONE day, we'll help coordinate other families to adopt from Indonesia.
4) He's given Aaron's parents the land (in the dumps) to build a women's shelter along with a children's home to one day house many orphans
5) He's given us the name Annie for our daughter from there and the name means "grace" or "FAVOR"....
6) The Willow Tree figurine, if it was given to me at the time of conception, means that our baby girl will be born EARLY Sept.

Now today, I was listening to my ipod on a teaching from one of my favorite pastors about God's FAVOR.... and in his message, He was talking about how when God's favor is ON You to orchestrate His will, He will use ANYONE to accomplish His will and in doing His will, You will have His FAVOR...I know that part of the reason it has been very difficult for me to REALLY have faith for an Indonesian adoption is that it is IMPOSSIBLE humanly to make it happen because of the laws of the country.... but this message by this pastor said, "God's favor goes beyond governments, people groups...in other words, God can accomplish whatever He wants However He wants and if it's His will, there is nothing a country can do to stop it! So, I had this renewed faith tonight to ask for God's FAVOR on us with adoption from Indonesia.... that God will cause the right child to be born at the right time and be placed in the right hands at the right time and that when the time comes for us to go get her in Indonesia, His FAVOR will be so strong on us that the gov't will allow us to bring her and that when this is done, the country will realize that they need to change their laws in order to allow these orphans to come to loving homes!!! THAT is my big dream, but more than it being MY dream, I believe with everything that is in me that this is HIS dream and plan for us... I also happened to come across an article today that Indonesia has the worst child trafikking problem with orphan girls (mainly) being sold into other countries for child slavery and prostitution. Now I KNOW that is NOT God's will for these children and I believe that He has called us to be a VOICE that will cry out for these girls and begin the process of restoring their lives. I have no idea HOW or WHEN He'll do this, but I believe He will accomplish it... My job is to PRAY and STAND IN THE GAP for these children that have NO voice. As I type this, I feel a righteous anger well up in me that will not take NO for an answer! I believe it's a mother's cry and I believe it is the heart of God. Lord, Let it be, according to YOUR plan. If this is You, keep stirring up this hunger inside me and let it spread to others.

BRING Annie to us. Release her to us ~ we ask for Your favor! In Jesus' name! AMEN!!!!!!

Mom & Dad are off to Indonesia..

2007-06-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today, I spoke with Aaron's dad for a bit to say good bye since they will be gone for a month to Indonesia again for their ministry trip starting this sunday the 3rd.

They hadn't really expressed their thoughts about what Susi and Fenny had been working on for us as far as the newborn they are supposedly trying to keep an eye out for us so I asked his mom by email and she said she would talk to Susi again and see how things are going.... the great news is, Aaron ended up talking to his dad tonight and he asked if they would please talk to Susi and Fenny and he said to Aaron "I am as curious and excited about this adoption prospect as you are so we'll DEFINITELY talk to them to get more info."

So, it looks like we may get "some" answers about this whether it's a no or that there is a baby for us to adopt. God knows and I am putting my trust in Him...

I've had this feeling (even though feelings don't always pan out)that we will know something about our daughter in June... that was what I felt the Lord tell me last year when we were paperchasing... that I will know something about our daughter by June.... but when the China adoption slowed down, it seemed impossible to know anything by June and here we are in June and we are definitely NOT close to a referral for Selah... HOWEVER, we don't always see the full picture and it's possible that we have another daughter in Indonesia... I also felt last year before deciding on a country to adopt from that we'll end up with TWO daughters... it was a gut feeling and even though we chose China and you're not allowed to adopt 2 at once from China unless you're having twin referrals, I still felt like we will end up with TWO. It is interesting that God orchestrated the timing of Aaron's parents going to Indonesia to be in June too.... perhaps God has been speaking to me... I know that in our relationship with the Lord, hearing from Him is rarely crystal clear...I've been wrong many times about "feelings" so I hold all of this lightly.. I know I'm human and my own desires and my flesh can get in the way of hearing Him accurately... we'll see how this all plays out... Life with God really is an adventure... it's fun!

I wonder where you are....

2007-04-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here, just finished researching online about Manado, North Sulawesi... the area that Suzi and Fenny felt our baby might come from. Today, I feel as if this could never happen... it's too big, too many complications... and even as I write this, China adoptions are slowing down to a screeching halt.. They only referred 2 days worth of LIDs this month... wow, TWO DAYS... that's not exactly the speed up we've been praying for... Although, I know God is good and He has a plan. Today, I had an especially hard day wondering what in the world is happening... I want to either know this Indonesia thing is going to happen or let it go completely... I just can't do it... it's so hard. I hate NOT knowing. God, the amazing thing is YOU DO. Can you let me in on a secret? Maybe I can't be trusted... I don't know. Is she born yet? Is her name to be Annie? Do we have an Annie? Do we even have a Selah? I just don't know. It is humanly impossible for us to adopt from Indonesia... our I-171H expires March 2008 and fingerprints expire Oct 2007. Will it happen before then? Was all of this wasted time, energy, emotion and money? Why have we been led down this path? Do I dare ask you, God? or should I be afraid of the answer... I really should if I really knew You... You are the one who shaped the heavens... you call out the stars by name... I was not around when you created the heavens and the earth... you never consulted me about what to do with lions or Sea turtles... I don't know how to tame an animal... I barely know who I am... All I know is... YOUR LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE.... that is so true... All I know is You love me... when I feel uncertain of whether I heard you right or not, I can cling to the verse you gave me about you being father to the fatherless, defender of widows... that is YOU, God, Your dwelling is HOLY. You set the lonely in families (you did that with me)... You bring HOPE to the hopeless. God, I cling to the hem of your garment... I won't let go until You BLESS me. OK, I know that's what YOU want for me, so I am here... I'll CLING, You GIVE :)

We are ready

2007-03-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted here... nothing much has happened other than we are told Fenny & Susie are on the lookout and have calls into the hospitals for a newborn and when she is born and the birthmother is willing to put her daughter up for foreign adoption and sending her to a christian home, we could get a call. We are ready in terms of paperwork... other than my birth certificate which is waiting ceritfication and then it'll get sent off for authentication. We still have no idea who to send these paperwork to and who will require it, but atleast we have it and if we just have to take it with us to Indonesia, that's fine. Either way, we are ready paperwork-wise... our homestudy has been updated to reflect adopting up to 2 Indonesian children 0-5 years of age and our I-171H has been changed to Indonesia as well...

We did receive the "brown envelope" from the Indonesian Embassy stating the rules for adopting from their country. Only time will tell what will happen or IF anything will happen with Indonesia... it's very hard to hold it lightly, but we have to since things are so unstable. I have to keep reminding myself, this may not happen at all. I do feel like it will but I also felt like those girls were ours so time will tell and I will rely on God... He knows...

Sorrow may last for the night ~ but joy comes with the morning...

2007-02-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

Aaron's dad called lastnight and told us that Fenny tried everything to get the girls out of the country, but it is not going to work.... The government feels that they will be willing to allow us to have the girls if they were younger, but since they are almost 5 and 4 years old, they feel the girls are very much part of Indonesia and it would be too hard for them to adjust to a new culture and a new language. I have some thoughts on why that is just not true, but it's pointless to talk abou that now...

My heart aches because we really followed God on this one and we obeyed Him the best we know how. He changed our hearts to accept toddlers when that wasn't our initial plan and there were so many confirmations along the road. I still know God took us down this road... the part that is a mystery is "Did you have to take us down THIS road?" I know that with more time spent with the Lord, I will get the answers to these questions, but for today, my heart aches that these girls will never be part of our family. My heart aches that these girls may never know what it's like to have parents. I look at their faces and think "Could this really be Your plan, God?" I don't know anything... the more I know God, the more I realize, I don't know much... the verse that pops up in my mind is in 1 Corinthians 13:12... Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and imcomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. I know that as for me and Aaron, we were following God... even fighting for these girls was part of God's plan... But just because these girls can't join our family, doesn't mean we weren't supposed to be fighting... we are fighting for something... but now, I only see things imperfectly... I don't see the BIG picture. Maybe in 6 months all this will make more sense.

Despite my grief, I still trust in My God... in fact, my love for Him is deeper today because of this experience. Only He is able to comfort me and I am going to take up on His offer to heal my heart. He has already begun healing it and I know He will finish it. Psalm 147:3 says He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds.... Oh, what COMFORT! God will heal this ache and when the healing is done, I will be even closer to Him.

Aaron's dad did say that Fenny was going to try to find us a newborn ... apparently, they get calls from hospitals all the time asking if they would take a newborn that a new mom is relinquishing. He said that there would not be a problem getting a newborn out of the country and that is what he will work on for us.... For now, I just want to rest... not plan ahead, just REST. Lord, You know exactly who is meant to join our family. We didn't seek after these girls to be part of our family.... they just came out of nowhere.... we know that there is a purpose in why you allowed us to go through this. We will abide in You and rest. Amen.

Update...

2007-01-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

Aaron called his dad tonight (Tues AM Indonesia time) He had not talked to the husband of the orphanage director yet.... but he did say that he'll pass on the message that we do not want to get the girls with a bribe... and we said we would pay for any honest expense incurred, but nothing illegal or unethical.. so he said he was going to call him.... Aaron tried to ask WHEN he would be doing that, but the phone got disconnected, so maybe we don't need to know :) They are trying to send pictures from their trip to visit the girls last week... which, I had not yet posted about... they had a GREAT time together and Aaron's parents both said that the girls are absolutely adorable and very happy girls. I guess the older one(Annie) is into picking up and cleaning :) which, Aaron LOVES... also that the younger one (Emma) kinda gets bossed around by Annie :) I cannot wait to see them together in person!

I'm a bit disappointed we don't know anything yet, but I know God has it all under control... I will stop being a control freak and allow God to build character in me during this process....

Anything worth fighting for comes with a TEST...

2007-01-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

Well, here's the part of the story where we'll one day say "What a miracle God performed!"... It looks as if there's a little "snag" in adopting our girls... the orphanage director friend had Aaron's parents over to their house and they were able to meet our precious girls today... that was the GOOD part... the bad part was, they received some news that it might be "harder than we thought" to process our adoption... Ofcourse, I already knew this rule about Indonesia... I knew it 3 years ago when we initially thought about adopting from there.... the rule states..."You must live in Indonesia for a period of 2 years before you can adopt"...not quoting exactly their wording, but that's the basic idea... and that's the RULE that Aaron & I will not be able to comply with... the orphanage director knew this rule, Aaron's parents knew this rule, and ofcourse, i knew it because I TOLD them.... So, as it stands, they don't know HOW they are going to go around this rule... they haven't ruled out all options yet, but it's our first little ... or not so little... snag. My initial reaction was TEARS... buckets and buckets of tears... but God has always been faithful to me when I seek Him to talk to me.... so, I tucked the boys in tonight and told Aaron I needed to go and talk to God a while... so, as I did... I read this in Exodus... This is where Moses and the children of Israel are heading out of Egypt... they had just encountered God through all the plagues and Pharoah FINALLY let them go... but then, He changed his mind and decided to pursue them and try to get them back... As the children of Israel saw the army coming, they began to complain... "Why did you bring us out here to die!" "We should've just stayed in EGYPT!... it would've been better to be slaves"... and on and on... but Moses said "Don't be afraid... STAND STILL and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today.....The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace!".... God is so faithful! He gave me that scripture just when I needed it! I asked Him to change our hearts if these girls are not meant for us, but that confirmed it in my spirit that we are to FIGHT for them and just as the children of Israel could only see in the natural (i.e., army coming and there's a SEA surrounding us and we can't CROSS), MOSES saw in the SPIRIT and knew that GOD IS ABLE to do anything... including PARTING THE SEA!! So, I was led to pray in faith that these girls are OURS! WE are to fight for them and that they will come to their promised land, which, we believe is OUR home and so MUCH more for their future. Until God changes our hearts and releases us to let them go, we are fighting for them. Even though the 'natural circumstances' seem dark right now, God is MORE THAN ABLE and He will be faithful... Can't wait to find out what the final chapter says. I am very tempted to get discouraged and in fact, I think a little discouraged heart might make me feel better temporarily... but I am NOT going there because FAITH has no place for discouragement... I HAVE to press on and BELIEVE that God has the best intention for us.

SOOOO Excited!

2007-01-25T16:21:00.000-08:00

I called CCAI today to double check if we can leave our dossier in China for our Selah and they said "YES"!!! I was so nervous that adopting our 2 girls from Indonesia would make CCAI want to withdraw our dossier, but they said it really shouldn't be a problem... even better, they told me that rather than doing another I-600A for Indonesia to adopt our girls, we should just do an I-824, which is revising our approved I-600A (I-171H for China) to state Indonesia and since she thinks we'll most likely have to re-submit our I-171H because of the expiration before going to China, we could just at that point, re-submit everything back to China and China will never know or care :) That'll save us some money right now and in the long run! God is so good and I am SO excited that we can still wait for Selah! Aaron & I had both decided that our girls in Indonesia should not be named Selah because that's the name He really gave us for our China girl. It's always possible that we'll end up needing to pull out of China in order to make our family what God has intended, but I have a feeling we'll end up with SIX children in the end!!!!! I'm not sure why that is so exciting, but I think my excitement comes from we really feel like it's God and when it's God, no matter how crazy it sounds, it's AWESOME and we know He'll give us the grace for it!!!

In the meantime, we have decided to name our girls Annie & Emma. Annie is a form of Ann, or Anna and it means "grace, or gracious"... we feel like her life will display God's grace... it already has in her young age, and we are so looking forward to seeing who she grows up to be. Emma in the English translation means "Whole, complete" and in the Hebrew, it means "healer"... I've always LOVED the name Emma without knowing the meaning and now I love it even more... everytime I call her Emma, we'll be essentially saying to her "You are COMPLETE, You are WHOLE"... I know that many times abandoned children have a hard time with feeling like they are complete and I truly feel God gave us this name to almost prophesy over her that she is INDEED complete in our family and in Christ!

I am EXCITED beyond words these days... I get more and more excited EVERYDAY and I KNOW they are our girls! I am excited to see how God also will bring Selah into our home!

The greatest thing in all of this is individually, God has speaking the same thing into my heart and into Aaron's heart.... we've are so amazed at how much He is guiding this.

I have no idea why He would listen to us at all, but He does, and He loves us so much... I am amazed...Thank you just isn't enough to express my gratitude to God.

Received an email from mom this morning..

2007-01-23T12:49:00.000-08:00

I received an email from mom this morning... she is so excited about the girls... she said she did not get to go see them the other day (the pictures were sent to us from the orphanage overseer).

They plan to meet Susi (orphanage director and friend) on saturday and Susi is going to bring the girls to her home that day and spend the whole day with mom and dad!!! I know they are going to LOVE these girls! They already do. I can't wait for them to meet their grandparents!

I sent the pictures to Anna & Andria (sisters-in-law) lastnight and they both told me that the girls kinda look like me (which was so sweet of them because I think they are both SOOOO beautiful!)

God is good and today, I am contacting our homestudy agency and trying to figure out what we need to do in order to get these girls home! I am praying that we'll get to meet them before the youngest turns 4 (her birthday is 3/19.....)

Still sleep-deprived and freaked out :)

2007-01-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

I want to clarify my subject line a bit... yes, it's true I have not slept much since last Thursday when the phone rang at 1AM.... I am freaked out a bit still, but that is my mind speaking... My spirit is completely at peace, which is such a funny feeling.... on the one hand, my mind keeps going and going and going about the details of these girls....everything from how old they are to what have I missed with them.... and on and on it goes..... usually, when I allow my mind to take over, my heart starts to get sick with doubt, fear and all kinds of emotions I'm not supposed to be having.....But when I slow down, listen to God's voice, and allow Him to take over my life, it's like the piece just FIT... This adoption has really come out of nowhere and it is mind-boggling to me... I was not prepared in my heart or mind to adopt a toddler and even though I was prepared for 2, I was not prepared to adopt a child that would change the birth order of our family. Even though Michael is only 12 days younger than Sherlly, it still makes her "older"... but only if one is into details (which, I am..... maybe God wants to change that...) anyways, these are my random thoughts.... I am afraid to say it because it'll put it on "record" that this is what I believe but I really do believe God orchestrated this and these girls are meant to be ours. Part of me is afraid to feel so much faith about that "just in case it doesn't work out"... but I believe they were meant for us..... now, God will have to start doing some miracles!

Introducing.... OUR GIRLS!

2007-01-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

This is the older of the two girls, her current name is Sherley (thought it was Shelly Becky, but turns out, it is Sherley Betty) Turns out she is actually 12 days older than my youngest, Michael! We thought she was 3 1/2 but she'll be 5 years old THIS summer! YIKES... she is SOOOO beautiful... God is so good because I had asked if one of the girls could somehow look like Calvin (my middle son, who got alot of my Okinawan background and has dark skin and big brown almond shaped eyes like this beautiful girl's eyes.... I was absolutely "stunned" by her beauty... she also reminds me of my sister, Sheri, who was the dark skinned one and I was the more pale skinned one... and, as it turns out, Sharonne (the younger girl) is a year younger than Sherley, (just like my sister and me) and she even reminds me of ME a little bit... Sherley was born on 7/17/2002.

This is the younger girl, her name is Sharonne... she was born March 17, 2003... she'll be 4 in just 2 months! She is so adorable! She looks like she's kinda shy in that picture... which is the part that reminds me of when I was young. And also her skin tone... I could be wrong, but I think she is actually the one that is Chinese...To me, their names don't quite fit them :) But, since they are even older than we thought, we will really have to pray hard about what to do... I just want their names to be special because we took such care naming our boys... I don't want them to ever feel like they are any different...I am already so sad that I have missed so much of their life... God knows everything though....

No pictures yet....

2007-01-22T09:32:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and first thing I did was check my email to see if they were able to send us pictures... but... NO EMAIL from them.... however, I did get an email from Angel, the orphanage overseer (also daughter of Susi) and she wrote just to tell us that we can contact her anytime with any questions! So, I asked if she could send us pictures and if she could give us details about the girls like their birthdates.. right now, we THINK they are about 3.5 years old... not really 100% sure though...

Our call to Indonesia ~ evening sunday 1/21/07

2007-01-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

WE called dad's cell phone and thankfully, he answered right away... we just wanted to ask some details about the girls and actually talk to them in person... Aaron talked to his dad for a while about how to get a hold of someone to get details about the girls. Mom got on the phone to talk too and she was so excited! They were in a town about 1 hour away from where the girls are and said that they were going to go visit them today! WE begged for pictures so we think they are going to get some for us by email... hopefully monday morning...

We heard a few more details about the girls...

Shelly Becky is the Chinese one... she was named after 2 pastors' wives names(Shelly & Becky)... they said they had to come up with a name and those were the names given to her... She was given to them by a 19 year old mom and Susi's son went to go pick her up.

Sharon was given up by an 18 year old mom, who was giving birth at the hospital and Susi was called by the hospital to see if she wanted to take the baby to her children's home... so Susi went to the hospital as the young mom was giving birth to Sharon and apparently, there were 5 or so Indonesian men waiting and ready to buy this baby from the mom so that they could sell her...(what a terribly corrupt world she was born into)....They kept trying to intimidate Susi but in the end, Susi was able to have the baby and take her to a safe place...satan was already at work in this girl's life... trying to ruin her before she was even born.

I am amazed at how much these girls have already gone through in their young age.... Susi wanted to ask if we would be willing to have her be a grandma to these girls as well ~ I already know we'll be sending updates to her all the time.

Anyways we asked mom what she thought about us renaming the girls and she said "you can do whatever you want once they are yours"....we'll still be in prayer about that...

Mom was excited to go see them and give them hugs! I hope they were able to make it over there.

Message from Dad ~ 1/21/07

2007-01-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

Family Picture of us Celebrating the GREAT news that the GIRLS are ours!!

I still have my nametag on from church :)

Sunday morning our time, we went to church, still not having heard from mom or dad about their conversation with Susi... we were dying to find out anything about these girls.... we didn't even know whether mom & dad had met them yet....

We went to church and saw Gloria and Shawn and told them our news! They were so excited for us and prayed with us right away... we decided to invite them over to our house for lunch and went to the store to get some groceries and on the way home, Aaron noticed he had a message on his cell phone and it was dad. He told us on the message that Susi came to the town they were ministering in, and she came to tell them the girls are ours! He proceeded to tell us that Susi thinks her husband can get the girls' paperwork ready in one month!!!! That is so soon! I still have no idea what WE are supposed to do here other than file an I-600.... we have a name of an adoption lawyer that we emailed so hopefully we'll hear something from her... in the meantime, my head is spinning! I called to tell Anna right away about the girls and left her a message and started to cry.... it just suddenly felt so real that we are going to have these girls! Ofcourse, there are things that need to happen paperwork-wise that will take a miracle... In Indonesia, foreigners are not allowed to adopt unless they have resided in Indonesia for atleast 2 years .... we are not about to leave the states to do that, so this means God will have to do a miracle to have their gov't waive that rule for us. I think if it was too easy, we wouldn't give God the glory, so I am excited to see what kind of miracle He has in store for us! My mind keeps telling me, "don't get too attached to these girls, you could be in for something painful if this doesn't go through.." but my spirit says..."Faith is believing in something that ISN'T as if it IS"... I want to please God and without Faith, it's impossible to please Him... we feel this is from God and if it is, He will work the details.... it will be exciting to see what God unfolds...I feel like I'm on the biggest rollercoaster and it's about to start ....

The next morning... Still 1/19/2007

2007-01-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

I woke up about 6:30AM, totally exhausted! I couldn't sleep even after I was done praying at about 2AM... I think I tossed and turned until atleast 4AM so I was running on only 2 hours of sleep! I had to take the boys to school this morning so I quickly got ready... I wished so badly taht I could "talk things over" with Aaron a little more....but he told me that he felt peace and that we should call his parents today and just tell them... I was so amazed at how at peace he was about it! I am such a "talk it over" kinda person that I really wanted to talk more, but unfortunately we didn't have time and it was looking like we were going to have to just tell them yes before we could talk... Aaron felt like it was not necessary to go over any details because he felt like it was God and if it's God, He will take care of all my concerns... So, I have to trust.... very hard, but probably very good for me. 4pm came around and Aaron said he would be home in time to call, but he wasn't!!! I had to do this on my own! I was so stressed out... I really was needing an emotional crutch of my sweetie but he was still in surgery so I HAD To call Aaron's parents by myself to tell them we are interested in adopting the girls... Right before I called, I was starting to get panicky... my heart was racing, my hands were sweating... it was strange... Noah asked me if I was OK... The boys were so easy going about it all... They kept saying "Ofcourse, we HAVE to take these girls!"... like, "what's the big deal, mom?"

I called and Arlan's cell phone and he answered quickly and I told him we'd like to take the girls... He was thrilled that we were going to take both girls and not just one... He said He and Barbro were going to meet Susi tomorrow (sunday their time) and talk further about the girls and Susi wanted to pray again to make sure she wanted us to take them.... So, the next step is waiting to see if Susi will give us her final approval... then maybe we'll get some pictures and other stats like birthdays???

A call at 1AM...1/19/2007

2007-01-22T08:28:00.000-08:00

We received a call at 1AM our time on EARLY friday morning 1/19/2007 from mom & dad in Indonesia...

Barbro had talked to me about possibly looking for a baby girl for us prior to her departure and I told her that we are always willing to adopt more than one, so if God led her to the right one, we'll definitely be open.... I really did not expect to get the call since we have kinda gone down this road before 3 years ago when we initially wanted to adopt from Indonesia...

anyways, fast-forward to the call... Aaron's dad called and since Aaron was on call, I didn't even think twice about the fact that the phone was ringing at 1AM so I was basically sleeping right through it and Aaron woke me up and said that "mom wants us to call her back so she can tell us about some girls she wants us to adopt." ... When you're in the middle of sleep, even good news sounds very painful and at that point, I felt REALLY unready to listen... but he called and got me a phone too and she was trying to sound very calm and unemotinal about it all but proceeded to tell us that she spoke with Susi and asked her about us possibly adopting an infant from her orphanage and Susi told her that she has always wanted to give us "her best child" in the orphanage... and that there are 2 girls that are 3 years old that are like sisters.... we weren't quite prepared to adopt TWO from Indonesia... I somehow in my heart from the beginning of paperchasing for China, felt like we might get two children and should ask for twins... anyways, I initially thought that maybe that meant we should adopt one from Indonesia NOW and wait for our girl from China in hopefully a year or so....

I also kinda had my heart set on an infant because it just seems easier to transition as a family when the baby is as young as possible.... even in our dossier for China, we requested a baby 0-6 months so we really had been set to have a baby....

So, the phone conversation went on and she told us that the names of the girls are Shelly and Sharon.... that one of them is "100% Chinese" and the other one is Indonesian. She told me that the Chinese girl was picked up by Susi's son from a 19 year old that wanted to give her to an orphanage. I believe she was just too young and unmarried. We didn't hear much about the other one... other than they are inseparable...

She asked for us to pray about it and give them an answer by the next day. They wanted to make sure we had an interest before they talked further about them with Susi.

As we were about to hang the phone up, Aaron's dad told us that these girls have been raised by Christian caretakers and from what he knows, they are as pure in spirit as they can come.

So, we had a LOT to pray about... Aaron had a BIG day of surgeries the next day so he really needed to rest... we talked a little bit about it but my mind kept going back to "What about our daughter in China?" I had really begun to be at peace with China adoption and the timing and many ways, this could potentially end our China adoption.... Aaron said "Don't you think that the fact that ONE of the girs is fully Chinese say something?" Meaning, SHE may be the girl from China and it's not like we will be "losing" our girl from China. Still, I didn't feel total peace. WE came to the conclusion right away that under no circumstance, would it be right for us to separate these girls... so if we were going to adopt, we have to take them both. Aaron immediately felt peace to pursue this adoption and said to me "I feel like this is God and we should do it"... Ofcourse, I had to get that peace for myself from God, so I told him that I was going to go pray.... so I went in the living room and just sat there... somewhat shocked, confused, overwhelmed... and I opened my bible to Psalm 18:6... These words gave me comfort... "In my distress, I cried out to the Lord, yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary... my CRY reached His ears..." Those words gave me such comfort because suddenly all my fears were gone... My head was still not following all the details of what this could mean, but very quickly and suddenly, I realized that GOD HIMSELF HEARD me! He was not going to let us down a path that isn't HIS... because We are seeking Him... though we hear imperfectly sometimes and mixed with our own thoughts, we know that in our hearts, we ONLY want God's will and we just have to follow what we think He is saying... It was such a huge thing for Aaron to have peace FIRST... I truly believe that many of the big steps we've taken, things have gone well when Aaron & I BOTH felt peace.... and especially when Aaron felt the peace first. Can't explain it, other than God made Aaron to be the head of our house. Also, Aaron is not one to make decisions based on emotions at all (unlike me). He is very thoughtful and careful about decisions and if HE thinks that adopting TWO girls is a good idea, I KNOW that it HAS to be God...If this was just MY crazy idea, He would've dismissed the thought right away. So, even though my mind kept saying "what if...." I had to follow the peace in my heart God gave me... I felt like He wanted us to take the chance.... our pastor has been talking about "Getting out of the boat" and not playing life "safely"... I had asked God a week ago that He would give us the opportunity to stretch us and help us "get out of the boat"... and this sounds like the answer to me... it's scary, we might drown :), we won't be able to accomplish this on our own strength, and that's what it took for Peter to walk on water to Jesus...We want God to help us ... not only 'help' us, but actually DO IT for us! God, You are in charge of us... I know You will never lead us astray when we ask you for help. You will guide us because You have always been faithful...